“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”

Southern Miss football, Pitt basketball, and Cincy basketball all had one thing in common at one point: no matter what, Louisville couldn’t beat them. It didn’t matter how improved Louisville was or if they finally had a good stable of recruits who could compete.

It didn’t matter if we were at home in the Ville or on the road, or even in the conference tournament. At one point in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, Louisville could not beat these guys.

Heartbreaking losses, check. Embarrassing blowouts, check. False hope, check.

But all it took was one win and all of a sudden Louisville was consistently kicking Southern Miss’ ass on the field. Pitt went from league bully to automatic win on Louisville’s schedule. Cincy has not been the same since Bob Huggins left, and though Mick Cronin had a few wins against the Cards, it was nowhere near as bad as the days when Kenyon Martin was tormenting us.

I say all of that to say that no one loses forever, and everything has an expiration date. What Louisville’s exact expiration date to stop losing to Clemson football and Virginia basketball is continues to be a mystery. So for now, we have to continue to suffer and think about that glorious day where the orange and purple gorilla with his handful of $2 bills is finally off of our back.

One day soon.

To the notes!!


I thought about it and decided that the bailiff will be used on an “as needed” basis. And just to be completely transparent, I am tired of picking a new person every week and trying to find a humorous way to introduce them. Why lie??

  • The Twitter timeline was pretty divided the other night as the clock ticked down to zero on the sixth consecutive loss to Clemson. A lot of people blamed recruiting, which is a fair complaint. I also feel that a lot of our fans forget that Bob skull-f*****d us back to the stone age with his lack of coaching or a staff for that matter. Clemson has been consistently recruiting at a high level for the past 5-7 years; Louisville has not. The depth issues cannot be ignored, and when you are facing a team that has four and five-star recruits at nearly every position, this should not come as a surprise. Satterfield is a good coach; he is not a miracle worker. Chill out. Clemson has won 2 of the last 3 championships for reason.
  • It’s time for Scott Satterfield and Dwayne Ledford to make a decision on the starting QB and go with it. Micale Cunningham is banged up, and Evan Conley has done a remarkable job stepping in as a true freshmen. I love Micale’s running ability and the fact he can extend plays with his legs. I love Evan’s accuracy and the fact that no matter the situation he has been reliable. Both looked bad against a great defensive team. I have never been a fan of rotating QB’s during the game and the season. It worked well for Stefan Lefors and Brian Brohm, but right now the staff needs to sh*t or get off the pot. If it were my decision to make, Evan Conley would start the remaining five games.
  • The ghost of dropped passes continues to haunt this Louisville team. Louisville receivers have been plagued the last few games with drops of wide open passes. Gunter Brewer will be tasked with getting the Freak Show back on track.
  • Javian Hawkins is on his way to becoming Louisville’s first 1,000 yard rusher since Bilal Powell. Seems like each game he has a big run or is a threat to break one. Hawkins and Hall have been a nice running back duo, and we are fortunate to have both of them for a few more seasons.

I understand that the safety of the fans is the number one concern of the Cardinal Stadium staff, but something has to be done about the the security checks. The last few home games I have tried to get in the stadium early to avoid the long lines but it seems to have gotten worse as the season has gone on. Maybe they should install metal detectors instead of using the wand. They could also have separate lines at each gate for people who have purses or bags that need to be searched.

If they had that, perhaps it will make the lines move faster. From the looks of it, it appears things are being held up because the staff has to constantly remind people that there is a clear bag policy and that you can’t bring open beverages in. I don’t know what the solution is, but hopefully it gets better.

  • The offensive line didn’t have a great day on Saturday. As a unit, they have played well all season but surrendered six sacks to a good Clemson team. I am not overly concerned about that because Clemson’s defense is still decent even though they lost a ton of guys to the NFL last season. At least four of those sacks where due to Conley holding on to the ball too long. All correctable issues.
  • I really hope we beat Clemson soon so I can see exactly how their fans act after a loss. Losing sometimes brings the a**hole out in people. I have never had an issue with Clemson fans at the games. It’s the internet gangsters that bother me.
  • All Louisville does is intercept Trevor Lawrence. It’s like playing Patrick Towles, only Lawrence wins games and didn’t have to transfer schools because of competition.

So apparently it was “punch a player wearing a helmet” weekend, and those guys from Death Valley obliged.

First on Saturday:

And then in the pros on Sunday:

While the punches are bush league and nothing short of a classless move by both of these guys, let’s all rejoice and be glad no one had a finger inserted into their rectum during the game. We all know Christian Wilkins enjoys a different type of three point stance, and dirt is the last thing he is putting his hands in.

  • Speaking of inappropriate things done on the field. Apparently Clemson’s mascot and his bastard son will do anything to keep the morale up during the game:

We have a few ladies of the night over at the dorms and we lose a banner. But Clemson turns the field into Pornhub, and no one bats an eye. Scott, your thoughts?

Scott Reynolds has grown tired of losing to Clemson

Scott could not be reached for comment but wanted everyone to know that he was, indeed, still “sick of this sh*t”.

  • The Louisville defense played well on Saturday until fatigue set in. I applaud the heart they show each week knowing they are thin. Until Satterfield and crew get a few classes under their belts, this is our reality. Help is on the way; we just have to bide our time.
  • I do not understand the soft coverage the Cards played before halftime on Saturday. It seems they went prevent against one of the best QB’s in the nation, and he promptly saw that coverage and marched down the field. There have been a few times this season where I have had to question if we are in a prevent defense.

So I ran into Forrest Gump after he had completed his run to the eastern seaboard for the third time.


Yes, you are correct. This was just a shameless attempt to show off my memoji.


The courtroom will now be open for questions and statements.

Young OG (@Ville_Hayes) : Totally understandable loss but they are killing me with no “Who Run It” on 3rd down. Give me that pleasure and take it away like a savage…

I was confused by this as well. I think on one third down they played audio of a guy talking. I was lost. But hey, no Van Halen. I am not going to complain at all. It took too long to get to this point.

Rachel (@Snicklefritz35): How many seasons until we close the gap on these %#+&$& ??

Clemson has had a top 20 recruiting class for 9 straight seasons. Louisville has never had one in football. Over a period of time, I feel confident that Louisville will be able to compete – how many seasons away we are is hard to tell. We had Clemson beat the first three seasons and could not get it done. I have a feeling we are not as far away as most people think we are.

Batty Vice (@Thetruefeny_t): Should we start pulling hotel fire alarms in the middle of the night when Clemson is in town ?

Fire alarms, no. Let’s just start planting drugs and calling in anonymous tips and see what happens. Dabo can’t coach if he is fighting felony cocaine possession.

Corito (@OyyeeeeeCorito86): What’s the chances of us winning out BHK?

We have five games and need to win two to go to a bowl. No one left on our schedule scares me. Virginia has to come here which helps. Miami and NC State are both in a full rebuild, and Syracuse plays like crap in the cold, so getting them here in November should help. Then you have those bums down the road who are still celebrating winning 10 games for the first time ever.

I like our chances to either go 4-1 or 3-2 in this stretch. Just win two games – don’t really care how you do it. Winning out is not out of the question, but UVA is tougher than a lot of people want to admit.

Satterdays are for the Cards (@JmFaith78): How do you feel missing Vince and Lottie at the tailgate? Were you sad and disappointed?

This is going to come off as being a dick, but I assure you, I mean no harm. I see Vince and Lottie at nearly every basketball game. I have also seen them at other tailgates, so I have not missed anything. Glad you got the chance to mingle with them, though. They seem to love hanging with the fans.

Jason S. (@JasonCardsFan) I know Clemson is great and we are improved but I am sick of losing to them!

Well, the sooner you plant that kilo in their bags, the sooner we end this misery.

SpookyMoonchild (@Fireheart117): It never feels “good” to lose, but the vibe of this team and coaching staff is so incredible I can’t help but be optimistic about the future. We just have to continue to work, tweak, and hone and we’ll get there.

Amen, Andrea. Amen.

Outkast UofL Fan (@OutkastCard) Is this the new Officer “I wish a mutha…would” ?

Take a good look Outkast. That IS the same officer from the YUM! I had to look at it a few times, and it’s him, just in a hat lol.

Brandi Emerson (@BrandiEmerson4): How can you go to a football game, cheer for a team, but wear neutral colors? And not only do you cheer for a team, but make fun of hurt players on the team you aren’t cheering for.

Sorry, Brandi – I don’t have an answer for you yet. Let’s wait until Saturday and ask a UK fan at our game. When it comes to showing up to games you are not involved in, who else is better at it than them?


Person(s) or things that earned a shot of top shelf liquor this week:

  • Javian Hawkins
  • Trenell Troutman. Whatever trash talk you used please let us know.
  • Louisville’s quality control coach
  • More interceptions
  • Great football weather over the weekend
  • Breakfast tailgates done right
  • Teddy Bridegwater being 5-0 since Brees was injured
  • Lamar Jackson keeps killing it so that NFL experts can continue looking dumb

Person(s) or things that must get fondled by Christian Wilkins:

  • Andrew Booth
  • Dabo. The game was over, but you left starters in and still tried to run the score up.
  • My fantasy football team. Hellooooo 0-7.
  • Muffed punts
  • Bobby and the old staff. Would love some depth here Bob.


And in closing:

  • Louisville is currently tied for third in the ACC Atlantic.
  • The crowd will have to help during the next two home games. Cards have a chance to go bowling after being picked to finish last. Get behind them.
  • 5 games left to make sure you play 13. Let’s go Cards!

Be cool in this hot city.

Court adjourned (bangs gavel)

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LJ Nesbitt

The BHK. Writer for thecrunchzone.com , 1/2 of the TCZ Podcast. Surviving in the great city of Louisville, in the not so great state of KY. Loui$ville KY thecrunchzone.com

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