“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”
Order has been restored.
Fans, back up from the ledge. Stop making the noose. The Cards are back on track. A week ago the fanbase was on the verge of getting torches and pitchforks and marching down to Floyd street to address the team personally. Thankfully, a players-only meeting and two resounding ass whippings have seemed to halt all negative statements and freakouts for the time being.
We have three more regular season games left, including a big one tonight that very well could decide the ACC champ.
To the notes:
- The last few weeks I have been very vocal regarding the taking of material from our site and podcast by certain lazy individuals. That’s it, just pointing out the fact that I have been very vocal about it. I have no plans to stop as long as they have no plans to stop stealing. Imitation is the highest form of flattery; stealing is a felony and punishable by death in some countries. Do better.
- Having Malik Williams on the floor is a great thing. Picking Malik Williams off the floor is starting to be annoying if not comical. Malik either has water in his ear or an undiagnosed case of Vertigo. Regardless, the “Malik on the floor” counter has set new records every game. Williams is like Michelle Williams from Destiny’s Child – the guy just falls for no reason but still plays his part.
- Jordan Nwora is back, and he has heard your criticism and slander. That could be a great thing heading into tonight and the month of March. Seems to me that Jordan is more focused and starting to realize getting his team involved is better than forcing shots.
- I am not ready to say goodbye to Ryan McMahon. I am gonna need time to process things, and it would help if you guys would allow that.
- Speaking of RyMac. It would really help if opposing coaches continue to put white guys on White Chocolate. I am convinced there is no other white guy that can guard Ryan McMahon. You’ve seen people try and fail terribly. How you gonna shut down White Chocolate with some random white dude from Montana?? Show him some respect.
- You know what is funny? Before the season, David Johnson wasn’t even the most hyped freshman in the class. Everyone was talking about Aidan Igiehon and Sam Williamson. On Saturday, when Johnson was announced in the starting lineup, the fans ovation was louder for him than anyone else. Louisville love’s their team, but there is a different type of love for hometown kids.
- Jim Boeheim arguing a foul that was clearly a clean block lets me know that his best years are behind him. Syracuse has been declining ever since 2013, in my opinion. Yes, they have been to a final four in that time span, but let’s not pretend they have been a force in the ACC since they have joined. Not saying to Louisville has either, but we have consistently been a top ACC team since 2014, the one exception being Padgett’s interim year.
- I never thought I would see the day where beating UNC would feel the same as beating Athletes in Action, but here we are. You know UNC is coming back, and there will be hell to pay. I guess when you make up classes and get away with it, the universe collects payments in other ways.
- Enoch’s ankle could determine a lot the next few weeks. Although Malik is balling out (when he is not getting up the floor), we both know that if we don’t have our center, we likely won’t get far in the tournament. I am a little worried about tonight’s game with FSU since their average player is 6’7 and up. Hopefully he is out there later.
- Hearing Joey Wagner yell “WE NEED TO KEEP THESE BOYS READY AND EXCITED” during the under 8 minute timeout in the second half against UNC let’s me know how childish I am for chuckling at it. It likely got Wagner a few more followers especially from that one site that covers that one team that plays in that one city 80 miles east of here. If there are any men who need help staying ready and excited, there is no one better at helping then Jatt Mones and his crew of fluffers.
These two kids worked the crowd the entire game on Saturday and deserve a lot of credit. Rob Hickerson is a CARDS cheer veteran and has been doing this dating back to the Freedom Hall days. It has to feel great to lead an entire arena in a cheer:
- Quinn Slazinski got screwed on a charging call when it was clear he didn’t foul. Not only did it erase a potential three point play, but it just further demonstrates that the officials have no idea how to differentiate between a block, a charge, and Jello. Remember the same thing happened in the G-Tech game, and since they couldn’t get their heads out of their asses they called a double foul? It has been harped on all season, but regardless of who your team is, you should be worried about officiating, especially ahead of March. It’s all fun and games until Duquesne is in the Final Four because TV Teddy and his crew called pass interference instead of a lane violation…..but I digress.
Roy Williams is me whenever I want to eat an entire crave case from White Castle while watching Disney+, but the wife hands me a salad and balsamic vinaigrette instead:
Person(s) or things that earned a shot of top shelf liquor this week:
- Jordan Nwora
- Dwayne Sutton
- Malik Williams
- David Johnson
- Montrezl Harrell’s jewelry collection
- Cole Anthony (as good as advertised)
- Quinn Slazinki’s bench celebrations
- 3rd segment Darius
- 2005 Final Four team
- Better Call Saul finally returning with a new season.
Person(s) or things that must sit through a seminar where Billy Reed is breaking down the amount of calories in water:
- “Constantly on the floor” Malik
- Deontay Wilder’s trainer and staff. How the hell do you come to the ring with a ziplock back of icewater and a pack of Big League Chew and then wonder why he lost??
- People who are still upset at polls when the season is all but over. Seeding is the only thing you should be worried about right now folks.
- Jimmy Dykes. We will need the jaws of life, the National Guard, an act of Congress, and a goat sacrifice to remove your lips from John Calipari’s ass.
- Dick Vitale. Again, it was cool in the 90’s because we didn’t know any better. But now hearing Vitale on a game is enough to make me want to put thumb tacks in my ears. He is so bad, and it’s time ESPN admit that they have no clear path to easing him off the network.
- Matt McGavic. Every time his name appears, an angel gets cast out of heaven.
And in closing:
- New podcast recording is out NOW. I had to miss the latest show, but Dave, Chrissy, and Roomie Tom do a great job. Check it out.
- FSU is tall, and they are good at doing everything.
- FSU game is on ESPN tonight and will tip at 7pm.
- Boom found, call to collect reward…
**Disclaimer** This will be the last BucketHatism for a few weeks. Being that the games are spaced out, it would make more sense to me to wait and wrap up FSU, V-Tech, and Virginia in the Final Verdict before the tourney games begin. I would say look for the last BucketHatism of the year on March 9th or so. Thanks for reading.
Take us home Paul!!
Be cool in this hot city.
Court adjourned (bangs gavel)
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