“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”
Good morning. Before we get started with the court notes I want all of you to sit back, take a breath, and live in this moment. We have the reigning Heisman winner as our QB. We are one of the top 15 teams in the nation according to the Associated Press. We just put up 700 plus yards of offense on a Power 5 school. And for the second time in a year, the eyes of the college football world will be upon us when the football team takes the field on Saturday night at 8pm. I remember the 1-10 season, playing on every night except Saturday, and just being happy with a Liberty Bowl berth. So , as I did last year for the FSU game, I am just going to live in this moment and enjoy it.
This week is going to be a lot of fun. So if you hear people complain about late start times, or any other negative remarks I have signed a court order that will allow you to slap whomever without prosecution, choose wisely. Let’s get to the notes.
Any outbursts from the court and you will be removed by the bailiff @J_TrueBeauty . Don’t be fooled by her Twitter handle, she has engaged in many arguments with sports personalities over the past year. She also goes to games looking to fight. She once punched a beer vendor because the beer was too cold. Chills my bones just thinking about it…
- We have Lamar Jackson. No matter what, we have a chance. It could be Lamar Jackson and the freshman team from Moore High School and we would still have a chance. Last year we were all amazed at what he can do. This year is more like “Lamar had 6 touchdowns…..again.” We will tell tales of his play to our grandchildren. This is truly history in the making. Enjoy it, we will miss him when he is gone.
- Dez Fitzpatrick is quickly approaching DeVante Parker status. He has played 2 games and already has 3 scores and some big time catches. This was worth the wait. Defenses had to worry about Jaylen Smith and now have to worry about another receiving threat. He has a bright future at WR.
- Once again, hats off to the offensive line. Lamar was sacked a few times but he also had ample time to thrown. It is amazing the job that Mike Summers has done in less than a year. The blocking of the big uglies up front was phenomonal during the game. Also, I only counted 1 penalty on the line yesterday so surprise, the sky is NOT falling and we are going to be ok.
- Folks, we have found our feature running back and his name is Malik Williams. What a day he had on Saturday. 13 carries, 149 yards, and a long run of 74 yards to put it to bed. Williams got the start after Jeremy Smith was ruled out due to an injury. Reggie B is still finding his footing at running back and he may now only be used on screens and short passes. Good to see Malik have a good game and hoping it carries over the rest of the year.
- Jaylen Smith is a up for every minute that he was slept on. Last season he was snubbed by the ACC First Team after putting up some big numbers. I was happy to see him have a big day against UNC. 9 catches, 183 yards and one long TD. Hide your wife…..
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks under his bed for Mekhi Becton’s dad
— Howie Lindsey (@howielindsey) September 9, 2017
Mr. Becton sir, with all due respect if you have any younger sons please send them to Louisville. We don’t want zero problems big fella.
- This team has yet to put together a complete game. Last week the offense struggled with penalties while the defense and special teams thrived. This week the offense looked great while the defense and secondary struggled. The good thing is we are still early in the season and all of this can be corrected.
- For those of you who thought it was okay to use Twitter to bash Robbie Bell after his one,….. yes…., one penalty in the first half please go unfollow me now. I will wait…………seriously go now. Folks, Bell is a redshirt freshman making his SECOND CAREER START!!! I can see if he was a senior and was constantly making mistakes but he isn’t and there will be mistakes made. I read tweets that were vulgar in nature and I will not repeat here but seriously some of our fans amaze me. Some of the fans who complained should keep their mouths shut because:
A) Your fat a** can’t even walk up a flight of stairs without weezing let alone play 60 minutes of football.
B) The only time you guys have ever blocked was when you refused to leave the room when your roommate’s girlfriend came over.
C) Some of you don’t even know the difference between their, there and they’re but want to bash a player over a snap count.
D) If Robbie Bell walked in the room right now you would continue drinking your pumpkin spice latte while refusing to make eye contact while he openly flirts with your girlfriend. So STOP IT!
Robbie Bell will be fine.
- Shout out to Nate Scheler, the hometown kid out of St. X High School. When Bell had to leave the game briefly with a leg injury Scheler filled in nicely and was able to help the offense continue to move down the field. He and Bell were in a very competitive battle in the Spring and Fall camp to see who would start. Although Bell won out, Scheler provides some much needed depth at the center position.
- Speaking of hometown kids, shout out to Manual High’s own Derek Dorsey who has been getting some big minutes with the first team defense this year. He came up big yesterday on a 4th down play that lead to a turnover on downs. Keep grinding Derek.
- K.J. Sails soul now belongs to Seth Dawkins……..he can petition to get it back at the end of the season
- Our defense is still getting acclimated to a new defensive coordinator but it is very concerning that the passing defense is giving up chunks of yards. Part of that is Jaire Alexander being hurt, but even still we have some vets getting burned in coverage. Austin Proehl had a field day on Saturday and most of the time he was wide open. That has to be corrected and fast, we are going to face teams with even better wide receivers than what UNC had. Last year Deon Cain came up big for Clemson and he will be taking the field this Saturday. Run defense has been great, but the defense will need to shore up in the passing game. UNC faced 3rd and 19 yesterday and got 18 yards of it back on a pass play. That can’t happen.
- When your mouth writes a check that your defense can’t cash you end up looking silly on every website and sports program in the nation. You also make BucketHatism. What did you learn Andre??
Lamar. 525 total yards. 6 total touchdowns. "We are gonna shut down everything he tries to do" pic.twitter.com/K2JOVunwjw
— 🏁King Fiasco🏁 (@LJthaFiasc0) September 9, 2017
- I was happy that we got to see RayBan Bobby again. He’s starting to look less like a head football coach and more like a guy who calls the cops on his neighbor for parking too close to the fire hydrant. RayBan Bobby just looks like he has a ton of potted meat and lemon-lime Gatorade in his shed and spends all day watching old reruns of Family Feud. But I digress…..we are 2-0 with the shades. Good job coach.
- Let it be known that the quickest way to get blocked or make BucketHatism is to tweet me a food take during a Cardinal football or basketball game. Especially a game that is still in doubt. I couldn’t care less about who likes blue cheese and boneless wings when our team is fighting for a win. Seriously, eat what you like, it does not affect me at all and it is something that we playfully argue during the dead season. There is football to be played but hey, lets argue about dipping sauces and wings vs nuggets. It is exhausting and and I only do it to pass time when there is no sports being played. Get out of my inbox with that fam. I am honestly still pretty pissed off by it so lets just move on.
- Shout out to all the true freshman who continue to get clock. TreSean Smith and Russ Yeast saw time yesterday on defense and I believe I heard Josh Johnson’s name as well. As I said last week, we are beginning to see the depth of this team and luckily there is more to come.
- I was disappointed Puma Pass did not get a chance to get in during the game and based on recent history it looks like the Clemson game will go down to the wire so we may not get to set him this week either. But then again, we had our second team in against Florida State last year in the 3rd quarter, so anything is possible. Patience is a virtue.
- Let me remind you that no one tweets the train horn like MasterDroo. Please stop with your feeble attempts to duplicate it.
- It seems that every time we have a ton of momentum there is a special teams play that always snatches it right back for the other team. Like I said earlier, this team has yet to put together a complete game but once they do, look out.
- UNC students should not dance, like…….ever. The ceiling may be the roof for you guys but the dance floor is the pitfall.
- The UNC men’s basketball team got their rings yesterday at halftime but I kept waiting for Stone Cold Steve Austin’s intro music to start playing and the NCAA to walk out of the tunnel with the sanctions. I have a wild imagination.
- ACC officiating is in mid-season form. On Saturday there was a play that was flagged with three unsportsmanlike penalties. Two of those were on UNC, one was on Louisville. But the ref said they offset. Huh?? How does 2 offset 1 ref?? Math is hard.
- The ESPN crew spent a chunk of the game drunk tweeting and producing yesterday. At one point Puma Pass was called for a late hit out of bounds. I didn’t know he played defense too. Then I get a text alert saying Lamar Jackson completed a TD pass to Brandon Fritts……who plays for UNC. To top off the shenanigans, one ref assessed a personal foul to a Louisville player but used the wrong jersey number twice.
And in closing this is a huge week in the city of Louisville. ESPN College Gameday is back to preview our match-up with Clemson. There will be a celebrity guest picker and a week’s worth of speculation. We here at the Crunch Zone are already working on some good material.
Not only is this a night game in a prime time spot, but this will be the first home game of the season at PJCS. Weather is supposed to be awesome for this one, lets hope that holds up. After the festivities of College Gameday our fans will have all day to mingle, eat, ………..and…..and uh…….. our fans will have all day to drink.
OH MY GOSH WHAT HAVE WE DONE?!!!!
Court adjourned (bangs gavel)