“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”


F*ck this season.   To the notes.


Any outbursts and you will be removed by whoever Peter Sirmon’s defense decides to let through.  I have no control, much like Bobby Petrino.  Any attempts to shed some positive light on this season are useless, like Peter Sirmon.  You want positivity?  I am positively sure Sirmon will be fired at some point in the next few weeks.  I am positively sure this was the second worst hire in Louisville football history. I am positively sure that when the opposing team is facing 3rd and whatever, they’re gonna get it.  I am positively sure I am sick of this shit.


  • This is on you Bobby.  You made the hire, you call the plays.  I am not a fan of Peter Sirmon, never was.  But let’s not sit here and act like the offense is awesome this year.   This is not Bobby 1.0, or 2.0 for that matter. This is a guy who gets too cute on offense and makes lazy hires on defense. I have always been a fan of Bobby’s coaching but the guy who came back in 2014 is nowhere near where he was in 2006.  I don’t get it.  Bobby’s seat is  getting warmer.   This is bullshit


  • So you get Malik Williams and Dae Williams back on offense, that is awesome right??    Well, Dae got one carry for 2 yards and Malik got 2 carries for 0 yards.   Reggie got 10 carries for 22 yards.   Bobby is using his true running backs like gadget players and his converted running back like Hershal Walker.  This is not a diss to Reggie Bonnafon at all, but he is not a running back.  He is not a wide receiver, he is an athlete and we should not be forcing him to play running back and get the bulk of the carries over two capable guys like Malik and Dae.  That makes no sense at all.


  • You have an offense that consists of Jaylen Smith, Seth Dawkins, Traveon Samuel, Dez, Crum, and others.  Why are you not drawing up plays to get them the f*cking ball?  I don’t understand.  If we are talking accountability these days it starts at the top.  Bobby needs to look at himself and say “this clusterf*ck is my fault and I have to fix it”.


  • And now to the guy who is stealing $950,000 from the university to take a once top 20 defense and turn them into the Browns.  Peter Sirmon,  also known as Peter Setback, Peter Subtraction,  Peter Surrender,  Simple Pete, Peter Savage, Peter Pathetic, and a host of other names I won’t use.   The  worst hire in the year of our Lord 2017 and the second worst hire in the past ten years.  The guy that has all of us looking at Bobby and asking “who’s mans is this”?   The guy who started from the bottom and is content with making sure his defense stays there.  You have heard of 3rd and Grantham, well hold on to your seats because here comes EVERY DOWN AND SIRMON.  Let’s take a look at the last two games against Wake Forest. To the stats:


John Wofford  in 2016  (13 for 22  for 141 yards)   

John Wofford on Saturday (28 for 34 for 461 yards and 6 TD’s)


Matt Colburn in 2016 (11 carries for 27 yards)

Matt Colburn on Saturday (24 carries for 134 yards)


Cortez Lewis in 2016 ( 4 receptions for 41 yards)

Greg Dortch on Saturday (10 receptions, 167 yards receiving.  4 MOTHERF*CKING TD’S)


Let’s look at some more stats shall we?

This is forever known as #TheSirmonEffect.  I joked two weeks ago during the Boston College recap that I would imagine what Sirmon’s defensive team meetings look like.  This is what #TheSirmonEffect looks like:


“Yes, I know Russ Yeast is  freshman and is getting picked on nearly every game. But I like my true freshman like I like my fantasies with a hot super model,  alone on a island with no help. #TheSirmonEffect


“My defense normally gets killed on the road and plays dead at home so I refer to it as “Possum” #TheSirmonEffect


“Your team is struggling?  You have not beaten Louisville in years?   Your offense has not had over 300 total yards all year?  Your QB and RB’s are terrible and you have trouble scoring??………   Say no more  fam  #TheSirmonEffect


“I had to be told to come out of the cozy press box to actually come on the field and coach my defense. It sucked, I had a nice fort built up there and everything”  #TheSirmonEffect


“Why teach intensity when you can teach mediocrity and still get paid the same amount?”  #TheSirmonEffect


“My headset is plugged in 99% of the time but I use it 1% of the time, ALL the time.  #TheSirmonEffect


“I want my defense to help the opposing team set records every game.  If the opposing offense is setting records then we are doing our jobs.”  #TheSirmonEffect


“Double move??????   Is that a sex position??  #TheSirmonEffect


“Nickle and Dime package?   Sorry, I don’t smoke weed”  #TheSirmonEffect


Lorenzo Ward has failed miserably this year.  You are the secondary coach, why is your unit getting burned on a weekly basis?   I know Jaire is hurt, but we have 10,000 defensive backs on this team and not one of them can stop the pass.  We have a ton of talent on this team,  but the coaching flat out sucks and we are wasting it.  It starts with Bobby and all the blame should be placed there for the defensive struggles.  I don’t know why Grantham didn’t work out here, hell I don’t even care. But the fact that we took a shitty coach with one year of coaching experience under his belt says a lot.   The defense is a mess.  The players have the same “let’s get the shit over with so we can play XBOX” look week in and week out.   It started at Purdue, it has continued ever since.   I don’t think Bobby has lost his team, I do think Sirmon has lost his defense.

James Hearns and Trevon Young play like they are just trying to get out of Louisville.  Amonte Caban is now an afterthought after garnering so much hype when he signed.  G.G. Robinson is not being used right.  London Iakopo is a safety playing linebacker.  We are wasting Khane Pass who can deliver big hits.  Remember C.J. Avery?  Where is he ?   I am not bashing any of the players,  I am bashing the coaching who can’t figure out how to use all this fucking talent that we have on our roster.

If I am Bobby I am telling Sirmon and Ward to start gathering moving boxes.  He is not going to fire L.D. Scott or Cort Denison. Those guys recruit their asses off and deserve all the praise but they are overshadowed by Simple Pete calling the defensive plays. And honestly, how uncomfortable is it to fire your son in-law?

Peter Laundry Basket is the worst thing to happen to Louisville football since Van Halen music entered the 3rd down rotation.


  • I vote we should pay Sirmon based off commission for the last 3 games.  Defense gets a stop on 3rd down, pitches a shutout, gets a tackle for loss,  well then you earn a paycheck. Team surrenders 600+ yards, you get a gift card to Logan’s.


  • What good is pass interference if you refuse to call it?  There were 3 plays where Wake Forest defenders grabbed or pulled Louisville receivers and the refs went all Ray Charles and refused to throw a flag.


  • Lamar did a lot of good things but that interception in the first half was downright atrocious.  He could (should) have ran 2 yards for the first down but instead he tried to throw it in the endzone in a crowd of  Wake Forest players.   But honestly, why the fuck was it a pass play anyway?  We needed less than a yard for a new set of downs but instead Bobby calls a pass play.   That brings me back to Bobby doing dumb shit and expecting not to be criticized for it.   You have Malik and Dae Williams who could have sneezed and got a first down.


  • For the fans who continue say we need to fire Bobby, how soon we forget that this team was putting up 50 ppg. last year and Bobby was the coach.  Granted, the offense is not as sharp as last year but let’s not act like Bobby needs to be fired.  When your defense is giving up 416 ypg and you have let Boston College and Wake Forest anemic offenses score 42 on you then I understand why people are upset.  I am upset that Bob Petrino made a horrible hire and is not using his offense the way we know he can.


  • The ACC network is a piece of trash.   The audio was janky and it sounds like your are ordering through a Rally’s drive thru.  Plus when you have Takeo Spikes calling games you know things are shitty.


  • Shout out to the dumbass fans who continue to ask about UK.  No dude, we waived that right when we lost at home to Boston College.  We don’t get to look ahead to that game or any game.  We have 3 games left and we face two teams that can put up big numbers through the air and on the ground.   Remember Syracuse?  They run a better, faster offense than Wake did.  We are in danger of missing a bowl game all because of a bad defensive hire and horrible play calling on offense.  Stop giving your rival shine, f*ck UK…..


  • Louisville didn’t commit any penalties on the field.  They did commit one off of the field when they allowed Sirmon to get on the team plane after.


  • Micky Crum, Jordan Davis,  Traveon Samuel, Emonee Spence, and Devante Peete.   These are all guys we hoped to hear a lot from this season.  Peete was injured in summer camp but the other four guys are healthy and can contribute.  Why are they not being used??   This team has plenty of talent but it seems the coaches refuse to use any of it.


  • Admit it, when it is 3rd and Sirmon you fully expect the opposing team to get it.




  • I think Matt Colburn has rode this “Louisville screwed me” train long enough.   He was asked to greyshirt and because it was Bobby Petrino doing the asking it got blown way out of proportion.   Saban and other coaches do it but lets paint Louisville as the villain right?  Congrats Matt, you finally got a win against Louisville so now you can shut the f**k up.   Send your edible arraignment to Peter Subtraction.


  • Greg Dortch is a freshman. Our defense made him look like Jerry Rice.  He did what he wanted, when he wanted, and how he wanted.  That makes two freshman this month that have put up outrageous numbers against this defense.  It was announced the Dortch is also out for the season, meaning he did all of that with a season ending injury.  Sweet Jesus…. #TheSirmonEffect


  • The offensive line is not to blame for the 7 sacks Lamar took.  About 5 of the sacks could have been avoided if Lamar would have just threw the ball away.  He had a great game and without him we get destroyed but a lot of Lamar’s old habits surfaced on Saturday.


  • Wake Forest punked Bobby Petrino using Bobby 1.0 tactics.   A rivalry is now born. Dave Clawson could have kneeled on the ball but instead he dialed up a play where Wofford threw a 44 yard TD pass to Chuck Wade.  When told how close Wake  was to a new offensive record, Clawson stated “we should have ran a reverse instead of kneeling”.  Assuming Bobby is still here next year, you have to think he tries to put up 80 on Wake.  Assuming Sirmon is still here you have to assume he would have to…


  • Tailgating in Indy seems like decades ago. So much promise, so much optimism.  I remember being so pumped to start this season and now I am more excited that Chickfila has a cheese dipping sauce.  I have NE-VER considered giving up my season tickets but I am not sure if I want to sit through another year of our defense getting embarrassed.  Those players work too hard to be put in this position.   Football was supposed to be a distraction.


And in closing,  I don’t know what to expect going forward.   I am not sure if the Cards can win one of the last 3 to go bowling.  I am not sure if we even want to go bowling.  I am not sure I want to even see us in a bowl game.  Louisville has not played a complete game, they have not gotten better on defense,  and the offense can’t seem to stop going from park to drive.   Lamar is all but gone,  and I am even more upset that his final season ended like this.   We have so much talent on offense and we don’t feed the studs.   Our recruiting class is good, but coaching matters and I wouldn’t want them near our defensive coordinator.

People think that Bobby needs to revert back to his old ways of being a jerk.  I tend to agree, but I also feel that he just needs to stop overthinking things and simplify his game plan.   Fire Sirmon, it was a horrible hire and we all accept that fact.  Get back to Bobby ball by any means necessary, find your way.   It really is that simple.

It has been said that everyday is a great day to be a Cardinal, but here lately it doesn’t feel so great.  Scandals, a dumbass Interim President,  dumbass board members using side doors to avoid questioning,  defensive coordinators who are using Tecmo Bowl to draw up defensive plays,  a head coach who all of a sudden forgot how to use his most valuable weapons, a dead squirrel,  and a loss to two perennial bottom feeders.

Yeah……feels great.


Be cool in this hot city.


Court adjourned (bangs gavel)










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LJ Nesbitt

The BHK. Writer for thecrunchzone.com , 1/2 of the TCZ Podcast. Surviving in the great city of Louisville, in the not so great state of KY. Loui$ville KY thecrunchzone.com

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