“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”

 

*Disclaimer*  I was in the middle of writing this when the news of Bobby’s firing broke.  So you get to see the moment leading up it.  Enjoy.

 

2 more weeks (or sooner) CardNation. Hang in there.

Once again I have nothing more to say. You have heard it all and I really don’t feel like beating you all over the head with the same old narratives.  We are 10 games in and nothing has changed except the number in the loss column.  There has been no improvement by any group.  We continue our slow march to a 2-10 season and a vacant head coaching position.

So for the next two weeks I implore you all to support the team, not the coaching staff.  Continue to support the players who are out there playing through a tough losing season and laughable coaching.  I would be absolutely shocked if Bobby has somehow bought himself another year.  Vince has eyes, there is no need to email or tag him tweets.   He sees the scores, the recruiting, the decommits, the transfers.   Ignore the articles the Courier keeps recycling, we will find a way to pay the buyout which in my mind won’t be 14 million.  I think a deal will be worked out so both sides are happy.  Ignore Tom Meeker and any other board member who decides to weigh in on our bank account.  Just cheer for Louisville and if you have tickets and don’t plan on going, find a Louisville fan who wants to go.

Call around to radio stations and ask about donating the tickets.  Who knows, you may make some kids day who doesn’t care about the record and just wants to see a game in Cardinal stadium.

To the notes.

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I gave the bailiff the rest of the year off.  There should be outbursts. We are on a 7 game losing streak and in 5 of those losses the opponent has scored 50 or more points.  If any of you come in here claiming “it’s just one bad year” I will take off this robe and crown and beat your ass myself.

 

With that being said, the courtroom is now open for questioning as well as personal statements.  We will begin with Tonya Adkins, mother of current 2019 recruit Anthony Adkins.

Tonya: Respectfully speaking.. my family has been long time supporters of ALL UofL athletics. One thing we always loved was how they took chances and invested in kids. They didn’t always get the best, but they made the best out of it. Divide the program in 3: Coaches, players, fans.. in order to be successful they all have to be clicking on all fronts to be successful. And obviously they are not. That has to change. Everyone has to do their job, for the TEAM.  In order to rebuild and restore EVERYONE has to be focused and buy in. As far as recruits, I have 4 sons so we spend an ENORMOUS amount of time watching games, camps, films, work ethic, body language, how they handle pressure, the things that can’t be measured with a star rating.  Every missed recruit is not a loss. It’s going to take a special group of kids to restore some hope. UofL needs kids like Anthony, JJ, Aidan and the other 2019 commits who are intelligent enough 2 play w/the best, athletic enough to compete, yet have enough pride to keep fighting.

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Boxcar Michael (@boxcar_michael): Why is Ivan Dragos son throwing the football for us ?

Sean McCormack deserves better than to be referenced as Drago’s son. But then again Creed 2 is about to hit theaters in a few weeks.  Also, I find it borderline hilarious that Nick Petrino didn’t have the former 4th, now 3rd string guy ready to play.  I am willing to bet he has spent the better part of the year watching his state championship game film instead of coaching.

 

Ronnie Hays (@rdhayes6):  Dude, there’s not a courtroom on the face of this planet big enough for all these questions.

Challenge accepted, you pessimist.

 

Matt McGavic (@generalwasp): So… do you think Bobby will get his own special edition Makers bottle?

Dude, the only special edition bottle that Bobby or anyone on the staff deserves is a bottle of Sam’s Choice Dr. Thunder or Mountain Holler.  I wouldn’t put Bob’s face on a bottle of liquid laxative, his offense gives us all the sh*ts just watching it.

 

Beastachu (@Beast502Mode): Steaks…. rare,medium rare,medium,or well done?  Careful…there is only one true answer here.

Medium is the only way the king prefers his steak.  Not too rare, not too dry, just right.  As a kid, I used to order my steak well done and it didn’t occur to me why the server would stare at me in confusion. I then grew older and put away childish things.  If I wanted to eat tough, tasteless, overcooked meat I would dine at Steak and Shake.  Yes, I said it. Steak and Shake is one of the most overpriced, overrated spots around town.  And it serves shoestring fries, which are just reject potatoes posing as french fries.

 

Roommate Tom: If a train to Destiny leaves the L&N downtown station at 5:02 PM on September 1st, 1985, at what point does the train slam into a motorcycle driven by Bobby Petrino that left Bowling Green at 8:12 AM on January 9, 2014?

Math has never been my strong suit and I have always had trouble solving for X.  So I will take a shot in the dark and say as soon as the intern gets on the bike.

 

Tony Montana (@TMo4Cards): Let’s hit on the positive. What are your expectations of this season?

Great question. I think they reach the Final 4 again and finish what they started last season. But make no mistake, losing Myisha will hurt badly. You don’t replace a talent like that easily.  Luckily we have one more year of Asia Durr and Sam “Fury” is back to wreak havoc on the ACC. I love what Jeff Walz is doing and how he has built this program.  Unfortunately they have been overshadowed the past 3 seasons by the BS surrounding the men’s team.

 

Brandi Emerson (@BrandiEmerson4): Can the players protest and just forfeit the rest of the games? I mean is it an option? This is horrid. No one looks like they give two craps. Not even half a crap. And the players are dropping like flies. Just call it a season. The record will be the same.

They can, but they won’t.  Our team has not quit, I just think they have stopped being coached and it shows. The entire team has taken on the personality of the staff. Seriously look at them the next home game. The only guys that are fired up are the strength coaches who are jacked up off Monster energy drinks and red meat.  And its even apparent in the interviews, we have some of the driest coaches in America.  The only coaches who seem energized about coaching are Kolby Smith and Grady Brown.   VanGorder looks hungover half the damn time, Nick Petrino looks like he is attending a ballet recital, and Lorenzo Ward is too busy blocking fans on Twitter.  I really hate that this staff is going to cost Kolby his job.  The running backs have looked better the past few weeks.

 

Jules (@Julesmaysmith): FIRE EVERYONE- I know that’s not a question.

Dynamite drop in Jules.

 

Hammel (@hammel11) LJ, Do you feel as though Sammy > Dave?

A Van Halen question in my courtroom?!?!  I am going to finish reading these questions and then  you and I will throw hands in the parking lot.

 

Andrew Skaggs (@andrewskaggs18): Is Lamar Jackson a must add for fantasy football 12 team leagues given the Flacco injury news?

My fantasy team, like my pro team, like my college team are all suffering.  I am sitting at 2-7 in my fantasy league so I am not the best guy to ask for advice. I would start Lamar off my pure dislike for Joe Flacco.  If Flacco’s hip is as bad as they are saying then you already have your answer.

 

Chad Bivens (@Bivens73): 10 penalties, 4 turnovers in the first half. Do you think they can work hard in practice next week to clean that up a little?

Yup, right after the practicing of how to have fun again and stick together.  Christ almighty….

 

Very Stupid Man (@very_stupid_man): Honest question: is this worse than Krag? I was in middle school and I remember some but not all. He was bad for a longer time, but in terms of the intensity of bad… is this worse?

First off, way to make me fell extremely old. I was in my mid 20’s when Krag was here.  To answer your question it is extremely worse.  Krag would lose but the team would compete in most of the games.  I never felt that Krag’s team quit except for the 63-14 debacle at Rutgers.  Not only that, but Krag was able to beat a ranked team on the road, something Bobby hasn’t done since returning to Louisville.  Krag also tried to improve his staff  but made it worse by blaming others for his issues…..namely Jeff Brohm.  Krag was not blown out this much either.

 

Cardiac Commonwealth (CCpodcast502): Does anybody know WHY Bobby is an abysmal coach who seems to have completely and totally lost everything he once had?

I don’t think Bobby has lost the ability to coach at all, What I do think is that the fear that he once put into his team is no longer there. The team has not bought into the program as they did in the Bobby 1.0 era.  And the reason for that is that these are not the same coaches.  You have inexperienced family members running the show and you can’t go complain about the coach when the guy you are complaining about is their relative.  I truly believe the team has figured out that no one on this staff knows what they are doing. We were blind to some these issues because of the Lamar effect.  But it was alarming to see quality coaches like Cort Dennison and Terrell Buckley leave so soon.  As I have said, it says a lot about your coaching staff when NO ONE wants to poach them.

I also think the passing of Petrino’s father plays a huge factor in it.  His father-in-law also passed away this year. I am sure Bobby is still grieving.  He has said in his interviews that he would always speak to his dad about football and issues and now that he is gone I can see how difficult that could be for him.   Just a tough year all around but it is way more than one bad year. This has been brewing since 2014.

 

Zachary Kilthau (@makinthatbacon): Every time there is a turnover, I’m starting to think it is just the player making sure the coaches get fired…and I’m all in favor of it

Contrary to what you may see, we are not shaving points out there Zach……..at least I hope we aren’t.

 

Randolph Scott (@ahowe40204): What drink of choice did you use to wash down your fish & chips and wings?

Shout out to Flanagans Ale House.   I have heard great things about the food and I can confirm it was good. The fish and chips have been praised around town and I can see why. I was not a fan of the tarter sauce (too much dill).  I washed it all down with a Sprite because I was driving Friday night.

 

Jason Sanders: Does Brian VanGorder do anything besides stand on the sideline and stare into space?

Well Jason, one thing he does do is……

(Checks phone)

Is……

(Checks numerous text messages)

He uh….

(Opens Twitter)

See what you gotta understand is…

(Checks DM’s)

The court will take a 5 minute recess.

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(Comes back in courtroom wearing a hoody and basketball shorts) Well, there you have it.   I will admit I didn’t think they would fire him until after the season but looks like the hemorrhaging of players and commits as well as the overall status of the program was too much for Vince Tyra to wait.   I never thought Bobby would fail this hard this year, but here we are. The coaching sins have caught up to the staff and Bobby.  I am gonna bang the gavel a bit early and then enjoy cold beverage unless anyone has questions?

 

Corito Pitweeto (@OyyyeeeCorito86): What celebratory drink we having today???

Bourbon. Always Bourbon.

 

Rachel (@snicklefritz) : Where do I apply for a parade permit?

Here ya go:

http://www.louisvilleco.gov/residents/city-clerk-s-office/special-event-block-party-permits

 

Good Time Charlie (@goodtymecharles): Is Bill Parcells on the short list?

No, this town is not big enough for the Big Tuna.

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Person(s) who earned a shot of top shelf liquor this week:

Vince Tyra, who else?

Person(s) who earned a can of room temperature Natty Light:

Card fans on twitter  wanting me to feel bad for a guy who was stealing millions each year and will get more millions to leave. He will have another job next season, he will have millions in his account, your broke ass will still be on Twitter preaching about morality.   Card fans who are crapping on a potential Brohm hire without giving a valid reason why he is not a good candidate. The tarter sauce at Flanagan’s.

 

I hate to leave this like it is but this news is cause for optimism and celebration if you are a fan of football.  We will hopefully get a competent staff in here and a coach that players and recruits can rally behind. Unless I am wrong, the university finally has a clean slate with two of the biggest media hits now gone.

 

It’s finally over.

 

Be cool in this hot city

 

Court adjourned (bangs gavel)

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LJ Nesbitt

The BHK. Writer for thecrunchzone.com , 1/2 of the TCZ Podcast. Surviving in the great city of Louisville, in the not so great state of KY. Loui$ville KY thecrunchzone.com
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