“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”

 

We have (checks calendar) about 26-30 days left of the Bobby 2.0 experiment.  I could use a ton of keystrokes recapping the crap show that we were once again treated to on Saturday afternoon but why do that when you have heard the same things ever since Louisville trotted off the field in Orlando after getting beat by Bama.   Instead, this is going to be a fan edition in which I will let you all vent as well as ask questions.

I am a man of my word, this is for you.

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No bailiff this week, just a huge portion of sad Louisville fans drinking bourbon and sharing stories of the days where we didn’t give up 50 points per game.

 

The Grippos Gawd (@kevinw502):  Ayo, Shake it and Jiggle it yo…. who made that track?

You mean 2Fat’s cousin??  I assume you asking who Young Leek be.  (BHK note: If you don’t know what the hell we are talking about you are not fan of The Wire and should probably fix that issue)

 

My Name is Tadaw (@Tadow23):  Do you think BVG currently owns or has recently owned a Camaro?

Dude, you know damn well BVG is going with a Firebird as well as a souped up El Camino that he only drives on Gameday.  $20 bucks says he still owns a Casio walkman which he plays a personalized 80’s mix that always end with that sh*tty Aerosmith coverband that I mentioned a few weeks ago.  BVG also owns the box collection of Major Dad and thinks there is no better chicken than Banquet.

 

Ghost Wallet (@Lord_Chewie):  Can we start the “we want Brohm” chant at kick off of the NC state game or do we have to wait until they score first?

The way I see it we can do whatever the hell we want the last two home games. Bobby has our money,  the coaching staff looks like they are in the waiting room for a colonoscopy, and the fans have been treated to games that are over in the 3rd quarter the past few weeks.  Chewie, even the team doesn’t want to be there…have at it hoss.

 

Jeremy Faith (@JmFaith78) Please explain your bias on donuts……….also as a callback….talk about hot dogs….

In my eyes there is only Krispy Kreme, Nord’s Bakery, and Sugar and Spice. Those are the donut giants in Louisville as far as I am concerned.   Whatever follows is the bulls**t that you had at your tailgate.  No self respecting Louisville fan will choose Dunkin’ Donuts over the three I just listed.  I mean, to be honest if I wanted to choke on a piece of bland, tasteless bread I would just eat a biscuit from Popeye’s without a glass of water.  To each it’s own I guess.   Dunkin’ Donuts is the convicted felon of all donut chains. All they do is promise hope while sneaking in your bedroom and stealing your great grandma’s jewelry to pawn later. If you like eating sponges and brillo pads for breakfast be my guest.   And not to get personal but I spoke to your kids at the game Bellarmine game and even they hated your choice.  Your oldest asked me for directions to a real bakery, which I obliged.   You have lost the kids man…..

To answer your second question,  I enjoy only beef hot dogs because the BHK no longer eats pork.  The best hot dogs in town can be found at Lonnie’s near Trinity High School.  Nothing better than crushing two Rush Street dogs and a side of fries.  I also enjoy turkey brats as well as chicken sausage. My only issue with beef hot dogs is that the ones at Cardinal Stadium taste like they have been rolled in a vat of salt and then handed to me.

 

AP (@GoCards_AP): Did they lose the practice field? Because if that’s where Petrino says they’ll get better…

Practice field, locker room, media room, game room, lunch room. Don’t matter, coaching is not there.  The only thing this coaching staff has won is the award for how to lose a fanbase in 10 games or less.  You get your ass handed to you and trot the robot out to talk about getting better although the “getting better” part never comes. You also never hear from the defensive coordinator who oversees a defense that has given up the worst loss in stadium history and let a Wake team that can’t do anything against FBS schools have a field day.  26 days AP…..just hold on.

 

Sallie (card_sharp72):  Odds Bobby comes down with a mysterious “illness” over Thanksgiving?

Nothing 14 million and years of stolen money won’t cure. We have been sick since the Indiana state game.

 

Tattoed Lindy (jclindeman): If Bobby gets to stay the rest of the season, how long after the last game will he be fired?

I say Bobby is canned no earlier than Sunday, November 25th and no later than Monday, November 26th.  Forget what the media is saying about not having the money, I am a believer that Louisville has had the money for weeks and if they don’t they will get it once Clemson puts a 70 spot up next weekend in Death Valley. And I also put zero faith in Tom Meeker who decided to speak on behalf of UofL’s bank account.   You guys ever notice there is always a board member trying to be the first to break a story?  Remember when Mack was hired and some board member popped up the day of and was all “we have not made an offer to Coach Mack to be the next UofL head coach” aside from the fact there was a damn presser set for that afternoon?  Bobby could be gone next Monday after Clemson has the third team in after halftime.

 

Christopher Bishop: Do we fans just cancel Card March next game, ourselves?

Card March is still a thing??  I’m joking, I am not sure we will even have enough fans on both sides to make it look respectable.  But apparently it is the source of  motivation for one offensive lineman who won’t play well unless the fans line the tunnel  for Card March. Lord forbid you whiff on a tackle or not know who to block each play because your mind is preoccupied with the fans who didn’t show up to high five you before the game.   The NC State crowd could look like the line at Dunkin’ Donuts……and by line I mean non-existent.

 

ChadinHaddonfield (@chadinthe502) LJ, I am upset. Bobby has gone from savior to the antichrist and we should give him a moped with a giant orange safety flag shoved up his ***. I’ve beer. Cheers

Cheers buddy, let the anger flow.  If its any consolation we still have that meat lovers pizza in the trunk.

 

Leslie (@Leslie_Seaton): Can the university or stadium bump up the internet speed for the last 2 home games for us so we can have something to do when the games go to Hell? Oh that’s right. I forgot. We aren’t deserving fans. I’ll bring a paperback.

Leslie, you should have no issue with any reception or internet the last two games. The less people, the better the network.  Also, UK fans don’t have internet outside of dial up so you are good there.  I have been asking for better cell phone service in the stadium for years but the same guy who runs the internet is the same guy who plays Van Halen on 3rd downs. Bring a book Red, we are screwed either way.

 

Andrew Skaggs (@andrewskaggs18): Who does LJthaFiasc0 put as his top 5 wants for new Louisville HC?

Easy:

  1. Dylan
  2. Dylan
  3. Dylan
  4. Dylan
  5. Dylan

Sorry man, it was too easy. Seriously my top five are:

  1. Jeff Brohm
  2. Brent Venables
  3. Luke Fickell
  4. Ryan Day
  5. Mike Norvell

 

I think Brohm is the obvious choice and I think he will do extremely well here. He has proven he can compete, recruit, and as of last weekend, beat big name teams.  Brent Venables is my guy I really want but I don’t think he leaves Clemson for Louisville.  Luke Fickell is an Ohio State guy who was the DC when Tom Herman was the OC.  He has Cincy looking good in his second year. Ryan Day is the OC for Ohio State currently and kept the Buckeyes undefeated while Urban was suspended, he is young and hungry.  Mike Norvell is another young coach who is currently being held hostage at Memphis State.  He would be a good hire but his defense gives up a ton while his offense has to outscore everyone.   I know a lot of you are reading this asking how I can criticize someone else’s defense and I don’t have a solid answer.   My opinions are better than your facts.  Honorable mention would be Matt Campbell, Seth Littrell, and Neal Brown.  We should not bring Charlie Strong back for reasons outside of football that I am not at liberty to share.

 

Wendler (@Wendler34):  Odds this is the one year where the season is bad but somehow we still upset UK like they did to us a few years back?

I will never concede a loss to UK in anything.  It is possible but I highly doubt it happens.  I would love nothing more than to crush their dream season by taking the lead in the overall series and securing yet another Governor’s Cup win.   The odds are not great though.

 

Rachel (@snicklefritz) Do we owe Steve Kragthorpe an apology?

Absolutely not.  He will just be mentioned less now that Bobby 2.0 has crapped his pants publicly.  I will never apologize to Krag for the hell he put us through for 3 years.  He also ruined Brian Brohm’s senior season and carried a damn bat around because he wanted his team to be “Better. After. Today”.  The book club alone is enough to never say sorry to Steve.

 

Shane Stovall (502SportsShane): Can you help me with my crossword? 5 letter word “having or showing no skill; clumsy; Louisville Football”

Hmmmm, try B-O-B-B-Y and if that does not work try S-T-A-F-F.  If you still have not luck then try C-O-A-C-H. Let me know if that works.

 

Ross (@ross_dauherty24): What percent chance Brohm is head coach next season, if this season continues the trend it’s on?

70%, I think the other 30% is the doubt that he really wants to stay at Purdue and build it up.  I am literally afraid he may not want to come home and coach after the way the old admin treated him and his brother Greg.  Don’t get me wrong, I feel good about him being our next coach but my anxiety is raging.  My other doubt is the buyout clause and paying Brohm. Brohm is making 4 million and some change and your gotta pay him more when he gets here.  But I think they admin will find a way to get it done.

 

BillBB7 (@BillBB7) Why do we keep punting the ball away in the 4th quarter down a ton of points?!?

The same reason why we continue to use our slowest running back on screen passes. The same reason we won’t run a jet sweep with our fastest player. The same reason our defense has gone rogue.  We are literally throwing crap against the wall and seeing what sticks at this point.   Bobby is tanking for 14 mill bro.

 

Chris Radlien (@CA_Radlien) Do you think the ticket office would refund the 4 tickets that I bought for the Clemson game?

No, they own your soul now Chris. Your best bet is to contact Clemson twitter and sell to their fans this week to get your money back. Or just take the trip to Death Valley. It is a great experience and you will enjoy up until kickoff and then you will question why you listened to me.

 

eisedebCard (@eisedebCard) Will Clemson put in 3rd string in the third quarter when it’s 67-7 ( being generous on the 7)?

I expect Clemson’s second and third team to enter the game after halftime.  If you remember last years slaughter the 3rd string running back was in early in the 4th quarter.

 

tbg37 (@tbg37): Does anyone on the defensive side of the ball besides Burns have a chance of seeing the field when the new staff takes over?

Of course they do.  Assuming Jon Greenard returns he will be a starter.  CJ Avery is a starter along with Robert Hicks and Dorian Etheridge.  TreSean Smith and Russ Yeast will see a lot of playing time.  I am assuming ALL of these guys don’t transfer as well.

 

Jason Sanders: How bad a move was it for Bobby Petrino to ruin the Matt Colburn recruitment? He has 2400 yards from scrimmage at Wake Forest.

Dude, not you too.  Okay, Bobby has done a lot of things but one of those is not ruining Colburn’s recruitment.  He asked him to greyshirt and it is pretty common among recruiting tactics.  He simply was asked to wait a semester to sign.  This entire Matt Colburn sob story has played out long enough and it is only magnified because of Bobby’s past. Honestly, he has only had success against two of the worst defenses Louisville has ever fielded.  I am so happy this kid is graduating because he is destined to let the world know how big bad Louisville screwed him over 4 years ago. WE GET IT BRO.  And furthermore, he should be thankful for going to Wake. If he was here Bobby would not play him at all.

 

L’ville Lich Lord: How long would it take Mike Norvell and coaching staff to be in Louisville if we kidnapped them.

What?  I have read this a few times and still don’t have an idea what you are asking.  If we kidnap them they would be here as soon as we get back.

 

#WeWantBrohm (@CardinalClique) Better use of University funds: Bobby’s buyout or a new Harley?

The buyout for sure.  I would hate to pay Bobby to go away but I would also hate to pay more next year or the year after that to welcome him and his peanut gallery staff back. Ol’ “Our Gang” lookin a**  staff.

 

Adam Wright (@WrightManAdam): How much will Brohm cost us? If Bobby were to actually hire some new coordinators could he save his job and the school $14mill? Pass threw for 350+ yds 1td no picks… Is he salvageable in a Brohm offensive scheme? What’s the rent like in heaven?

Gonna answer this in the order it was received. First, whatever he costs you pay it. Can’t be worse than what we have paid the last 5 years. It feels like we went to Ruth Chris for a nice cowboy ribeye but instead got a Waffle House steak.

Secondly, Bobby can’t hire coordinators and his grandchildren are not of age to coach the team just yet so he is out of family members to employ. He literally cannot find anyone so regardless this is a pipe dream. He ran off Todd Grantham who has since upgraded two SEC defenses.  He let Cort Dennison leave and now he is recruiting Lousiville talent to Eugene, Oregon.   He lost Terrell Buckley, a noted NFL superstar.  He kept Lonnie Galloway on staff despite the fact the wide receiver group continues to drop balls and after the Wakey Leaks scandal.   His son in law is still on staff after the defensive line couldn’t penetrate several terrible offensive lines.  And his actual son uses Playstation memories to prepare our quarterbacks.

Pass is salvageable in a Tecmo bowl offense. He has the talent and arm to get it there but he has Dwight Schrute coaching him. There is no friggin way Pass can develop under a coach who was the assistant to the assistant. It shows because he has sat for 3 years and still looks like he just stepped on campus. He is however improving and that is a good thing to. I would love to see him under Brian Brohm’s direction…..you know, a coach who has played at the highest level and has an older brother who has done the same.

I like to believe heaven is rent free but there is a shortage of chairs for some reason.

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Person(s) who earned a shot of top shelf liquor this week:

Tutu Atwell redeems himself in a big way and gets a nice chilled shot of bourbon.  Puma had a great game and played well despite his o-lineman being distracted by CardMarch.  Trey Smith had a big game finishing two yards short of 100 for the day and with 3 touchdowns to boot.  The 22,000 fans who came to the game to support the team.

Person(s) who earned a can of room temperature Natty Light:

Pick a staff member, any staff member. There ya go.

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And in keeping with tradition that I hope ends in the next month, I am going to keep copying and pasting my closing statement since it still has not changed. We will not win another game this year and we will go winless on the road for the first time in nearly 10 years.  4 more weeks folks, we got this. I did make changes to the statement.

 

The Louisville Football games are now a mere outing rather than a contest. This isn’t fun, this is now something for fans to do before it gets cold outside. This is abysmal and its something that the fans have had to go through when we were sure better days were ahead.  Two seasons ago we were #3 in the nation.  Now were not even #3 in the city of Louisville.
If I am Tyra,  I am cutting my losses as soon as the clock hits zero in the Governor’s Cup.  Burn em all….

 

Be cool in this hot city.

Court adjourned (bangs gavel)

 

 

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