“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”

Yes, I am hungover. Yes I am wearing a bathrobe to court. Yes, the 9 game streak of heartbreak and frustration is finally over. So you can take your criticism and go to hell.

After nearly giving us all a midweek heart attack on Wednesday, the gang from the Derby City turned around and came out guns blazing on Saturday evening only to give us all another heart attack after halftime.

Not only did Louisville have us all wondering if we were just simply cursed when we play UVA, but after waiting years for Ty Jerome and Kyle Guy to leave, here comes the Italian Stallion (pun intended) by the name of Tomas Woldetensae to help aid us all in getting an ulcer.

But it wasn’t meant to be. And here I am writing about it, in a bathrobe, reeking of celebration and trash talking. You all don’t deserve me.

To the notes!!


I for one am getting sick of people getting drafted solely because they had a decent game against Louisville and by decent I mean they killed us. If you are keeping track at home, and I know you are. Let’s take a moment and remind everyone how many stars Louisville is responsible for:

  • Pat White
  • Dalvin Cook (see 2014 and 2015 FSU games)
  • Diego Guevara
  • Patrick “Walked Twice” Sparks
  • Dominique “grew up a UK fan and never going to have a game like this ever again” Hawkins
  • Josh “Jorts” Harrelson
  • DeWayne Russell (Remember that time Louisville played Grand Canyon in a molly-infused rave and had to survive the game and the cult?)
  • Keonta Vernon (you’re welcome)
  • Brian Wardle
  • All of the Diener family. Travis, Drake, Drew, all of them. ALL’OVEM
  • AJ Dillon
  • Ed Oliver. 6 QB sacks will do that.
  • Tomas Woldetensae

You get the gist so far and if you don’t keep living and cheering for Louisville long enough and you will. There is one thing for certain, whenever you have someone tell you how bad of a shooting team Louisville will be facing, expect the opposite. We have prime examples this season of how false that really is when a team faces Louisville.

  • Texas Tech. Couldn’t make three’s to save their life, came into the game shooting like the 99 Spurs
  • Kentucky Wildcats. Can’t hit the side of a barn, plays Louisville and hits every barn in the state.
  • Wake Forest. Last place in the ACC, played like they still had Tim Duncan and Randolph Childress on scholarship.
  • Virginia. Terrible offensive team, can’t score, losing a lot of games. Comes into Louisville and looks like Ralph Sampson was back on campus.

The Louisville Effect. What did we do to deserve this?

  • Big props going out to Jordan Nwora. For all the criticism he gets for pulling a disappearing act in big games, the Louisville junior showed up in a big way on Saturday en route to 22 points. It seems that Jordan is finally realizing he doesn’t have to press anymore and involving his teammates is a great way to secure the win.
  • Darius Perry improving his three point shot is something that has really helped us in this current 10 game winning streak. I hate the high arch that he shoots with but I couldn’t care less how it looks as long as it goes through the net. I am not critiquing shots, not after seeing Joseph N’Sima’s form.
  • Can we just nickname Malik Williams “the closer”. Seems like whenever a bucket is needed or a free throw will seal it, he is on the line or the one that is securing the rebound. Pitt, check. Duke, check. UVA, check, and I am probably missing a lot more. I am also still laughing that Malik stared down a wide open teammate with the shot clock running down and said ……”nah”.
  • Steve Enoch is passing the ball back out….some. But he is doing it, so I will stop complaining about it.
  • The more I look at David Johnson, the more I think we are just fine heading into the 2020-2021 season. He will be better and you have to think the turnovers and mistakes he sometimes makes will clear up. Him and Jay Scrubb in the backcourt next season will be fun, assuming Jay Scrubb is not paying attention to his rising draft stock. Come to school for one year Jay, it worked out for Carmelo.
  • I hope you all know who this guy and I really hope he reads this. I sat in section 119 on Saturday. a few rows behind a fan doing one of the best three point celebrations I have ever seen. After each made three, he pulls out a imaginery arrow and shoots it. I couldn’t get my phone out all nine times that it happened but I thoroughly enjoyed the celebration my dude. Again, if you are in 119 and sit in rows X, Y, Z, or lower you have seen this guy. If said guy is on Twitter, please share his information with me.
  • Getting sad realizing that Ryan McMahon only has three more home games in the YUM. Doesn’t seem fair, I know he has been here 5-6 years but it worked for Hajj Turner so why not Ryan?
  • Akward moment of the game goes to Joey Wagner who was shooting free throws to promote that people would be allowed to shoot free throws after the game and also take a pic. I think Louisville had just turned the ball over or fouled or something and UVA was within striking distance. Cool promotion, but the timing drew some choice words from the people in my section.
  • I almost murdered a guy next to me for mentioning that one game against UVA from that one year where that one guy forgot he couldn’t run the baseline then that one guy banked in a miracle shot and essentially killed Louisville’s tourney hopes. It wasn’t my best moment.
  • I really hope we have someone step into Dwayne Sutton’s shoes next season. The heart and the grit he shows each game is unmatched. He is the guy who I expect to go into the belly of the beast and draw contact.
  • I would mention the horrible officiating but you get it by now.
  • Mack getting a technical foul for asking why a foul was not called after Enoch was assaulted on a dunk is peak ACC officiating this season. I also noticed that Tony Bennett was allowed to damn near stand on the dunking bird and the refs turned a blind eye to it. I get they are the defending champs, but let’s not act like Bennett has the years put in to act like he is Coach Karen. He doesn’t. And to be completely fair, if the refs were on their shit during the tournament. Auburn may be champs right now. We all remember the missed double dribble call.
  • They should consider letting fans shoot five shots from half-court to win a car. For some reason, the participants can’t seem to get past the free throw portion of the contest. Same with pass, punt, and kick. Just let them kick from the 25 yard line.
  • Louisville could have either extended their UVA losing streak to 10 games or their winning streak to 10 games. Crazy huh? Luckily they went with the latter.
  • I chuckled at the fact the entire 1980 Championship team was honored and all of them came out in red pullovers, except Griff. Griff cares not for your unison, Dr. Dunkenstein honors no one.

Random tidbit of the day but I feel it needs to be said. Not a lot of people get the opportunity that some have when it comes to covering Cardinal Athletics. A lot of us just want to be heard, and just want to hopefully have the chance to get up close and personal with our favorite team(s) and players. That being said, I will always applaud creativity and originality when I see it. I will always trash individuals who take ideas as their own knowing damn well it’s not. You can plan and use a strategy to carve your own lane (highly recommended), or you can listen to and watch others, take their ideas, and give us the Walmart Great Value version of something (not recommended).

It’s lame, it’s weak, and its disrespectful and I will call it out every single time. The TCZ Podcast does something called “planning” where we actually talk and devise a plan to have a great show. Certain individuals do something called stealing. Vast difference. We are strategic with our show, certain individuals are deliberate when taking from it. Please stop, I am being a gentleman about it for the time being.


Person(s) or things that earned a shot of top shelf liquor this week:

  • Jordan Nwora
  • Malik “The Closer” Williams
  • David Johnson
  • Fresh Kimble’s three point shooting against UVA
  • Darius Perry’s three point shooting
  • Enoch passing the ball back out of the post. It happened again!
  • UVA losing in anything
  • That guy in section 119
  • Tomas Woldetensae
  • Streaks ending at 9 games
  • Darrell Griffith’s disrespect for the dress code

Person(s) or things that must sit beside a mouth breather with a chest cold during a mandatory team meeting:

  • Fail King. What did you gain from that?
  • Stealing material
  • The Wake Forest and UVA officiating crew
  • Minnesota T-Wolves. You don’t trade Gorgui and not end up on this list.
  • Unoriginal ideas.
  • Matt McGavic. Can’t kick off the season without taking a much needed shot.
  • YOU, season two finale. It’s creepy enough that we are seeing this through the eyes of the stalker but season three better be awesome. I was actually pulling for Love at the end.


And in closing:

  • Louisville vs. Georgia Tech Wednesday at 8pm on the ACC network. Hopefully the last time we see Pastner’s stupid face.
  • Another 20 win season for Louisville. Winning 20+ games yearly will never get old.
  • Go to hell UVA
  • Tell someone you love them today, even if it’s a text. I am really trying to incorporate this into everyday life.
  • Hold a meeting, plan your show, execute your show, improve on what needs to be improved on. Don’t sit back, and steal material because you’re lazy and trying to remain relevant. Someone has a case of the “JB’s”, doing dumb sh*t just because….

Only one way to cap this off……Paul Rogers:


And Fresh dancing:


Be cool in this hot city.

Court adjourned (bangs gavel)

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LJ Nesbitt

The BHK. Writer for thecrunchzone.com , 1/2 of the TCZ Podcast. Surviving in the great city of Louisville, in the not so great state of KY. Loui$ville KY thecrunchzone.com

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