What’s good with you guys besides our favorite football team? Don’t get it confused, I am not ready to pound my chest and declare our team to be world beaters, but I wouldn’t enjoy seeing our team on the schedule pinned to your cubicle wall. Lamborghini Jackson showed out in the home opener, I expect another great game at Syracuse Friday night. Last week I professed my adoration for Thursday games and tailgating, this week I’m going to opine about Friday away games, and the party you should be throwing, so let’s dive into it.
Friends, a party ain’t a party unless the crew runs through it, so assemble your squad. To borrow a line from Biggie Smalls, “I’m far from cheap; I smoke meats with my peeps all day. Spread love it’s the Louisville way”. Picking the “right” friends to invite is crucial. Ideally you want a diverse cast of characters to get the pre game conversations stoked. Our parties have a variety of people, lawyers, accountants, maintenance guys, bartenders, it’s a hobo stew of personalities and it’s amazing. Do not invite the guy who can’t handle his liquor, if you do, it will ultimately end in you apologizing for a grown man’s behavior and personally that’s not my thing. I can assure you that if you invite that guy over you will be in the doghouse after he urinates on those plants the wife spent all summer cultivating. If you’re that guy, close your tab and contemplate not being that guy, you need help. If you have trouble not slamming drinks, designate a “pace car”, that’s someone with sensibilities who will go around and ask who needs another one when they finish theirs, it’s great for those who find themselves excited and oiling too quickly. Also, don’t invite the friend who drinks and drives home, please don’t do that. My rule of thumb is to pay for someone’s Uber the first time they over indulge because it happens, but the second time you come over without a responsible exit plan will be your last visit to TBG Manor.
So the squad has been readied and you have a rough guesstimate of how many people will show (five random people will crash, trust this and just keep rolling), now to plan the menu. Ribs are a must over here because anyone who has ever eaten my ribs will tell you they’ve been blessed by the hands of Zeus and the might of Hercules, bring a bib. Chicken, I do a couple breasts with no rub just some olive oil and pepper for my health conscious friends, I however don’t cosign on responsible eating habits Friday through Sunday during football season, typing it out I subconsciously began shaking my head, woof. The other birds get smoked in my wing rub, which consists of garlic and onion powder, cayenne, paprika, seasoned salt, brown sugar, and two other ingredients I am not giving up, have fun playing with ratios. Smoke a couple sausages, go ahead and laugh, I walk directly into that joke monthly, but here’s the twist, thinly slice it up and serve on your favorite cracker with beer cheese to your friends, you’re welcome. Despite the fact I rarely eat the sides you gotta have some, baked beans, slaw for others, grilled zucchini and squash, and smoked asparagus, are the usual suspects. If you crack a can of pork and beans and dump them a pot to heat without adding anything the terrorists get a small victory. Instead dump them out and add brown sugar and your favorite sauce, if you smoked that sausage, giggity, like I told you to then slice some up and add that, MVP’s add burnt ends but I won’t hold it against you if you don’t. Always keep a pack of hotdogs on hand in case friends bring their kids. Kids are adorable but their taste buds are straight cheese and ketchup. Desserts aren’t my avenue but that’s where friends come in, I rely on @bdub_502 and @snicklefritz35 for the deserts. These wizards of the last course go all out, making everything from scratch. Dub came through with a Derby Pie last go around that everything was done by hand, my man is over there whipping up sugar into glory. Same with Snicklefritz, sorry Girl Scouts but your cookies are trash, she would make a fortune if she moved to Colorado and set up a stand outside the dispensaries.
Music, ahh yes the music. First and foremost don’t be “can I see the aux chord” guy. That guy is fine if you all are drinking a beer together on a Thursday, but nobody wants to hear the latest indie artist you discovered on a blog no one is familiar with. I make sacrifices on house party mixes, I don’t want to hear Ludacris ever again in my life, but just like the food, you’re serving the masses, and most people love hearing their college or high school soundtracks so let it ride. That’s not to say you can’t slide an obscure track in from time to time but if people are consistently asking “who is this” that’s a bad thing, music keeps the party vibe going, “B don’t kill my vibe”. Coolio, Naughty By Nature, and horrible ironically awesome 80’s songs get dug up at parties, staring daggers at We Built This City. If everyone in attendance is over 30 spin that Drake at your own risk, but don’t get mad when people never came back over and block you on social media, I’ve blocked personal friends for less. Know your friends, as much of hip hop head I am, I respect some of my friends don’t dig it so I don’t let any single genre dominate the playlist, but I promise you if you request Linkin Park, or any other whiny group, or Florida Georgia Line, someone will hurl a chair at your head out of principle.
Last part is what’s going in your cup. I always provide a cooler full of chasers and it’s weird, I’m not sure if you all knew this, but some people open one of the cans and drink it straight, they don’t even add booze. We drop a couple hundred at the grocery so I’m not getting you drunk six games a season off anything but cheap stuff, host covers food, guest bring booze. Unless told there is a keg, in which you bring cash, bring a bottle and leave it if you don’t kill it. Also, know your company, identify the light weights and make sure they aren’t swinging with the prize fighters, remember your wife’s plants. Encourage your guests to mingle, like I said about the various characters we have over, there’s always a good convo between strangers eating and drinking in our yard, and life’s weird, you never know when a random chat in a yard could be the biggest networking opportunity in recent memory.
I think that about covers it, good people, good food, good music, good conversation, and good drinks is all you can control, now hope it’s a good game and tear the roof off post game in celebration. We throw on Ennis post game show and do drunk impersonations of his regular callers. If you know any additional ways to improve this scenario, please tweet me or comment, if it’s fire I’ll mention you in a post. As always, thanks for the click and Go Cards Go Krogering.
That Boys Good
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