What’s good everybody? Apologies for no post last week but ya boy had a birthday and birthdays are a weeklong celebration at TBG Manor, it’s how we do it. Well football is here, and if you’re like me you’ve been planning meets ups, playlists, menus, and general acts of tomfoolery. I was always told growing up “money changes people”, I disagree, money just makes you more of who you really are. Same theory applies to tailgating. Tailgating, when done properly, is sheer debauchery and booze on pavement. It’s cross country running and that’s where sprinters find themselves blacked out and belligerent screaming about Kerry Rhodes dropped pick from over ten years ago three hours before kickoff. Pace, pace is the key to proper tailgating. This post will be about proper tailgating.
OK, first you want to pour the foundation, you can’t build a stadium on grass, you need pavement. The foundation is breakfast, if you aren’t bringing a griddle I recommend Wagners. It’s good, it’s cheap, and it’s weird as hell. Seriously Wagners Pharmacy is a scene cut from Twin Peaks. Old men betting on horses, elderly women picking up blood pressure meds, and random miscreants preparing to become parking lot commandoes, folks its wild. Get the biscuits and gravy and some bacon in you, always eat bacon to start your tailgate. Bacon, bourbon, and PJCS is my holy Trinity of the fall.
Now that you’ve laid the foundation, you’re ready to bring the cranes in and start building. Some will say start off with mimosas or Bloody Marys, ehh whatever, it’s your tailgate, but pass me the corn water. Yes I drink bourbon and water in AM hours for football games, this is a pro move, I don’t recommend it for many. It’s bad luck to yell GO CARDS at other fans without a drink in your hand, I’ve never heard this but I just thought of it and it makes sense, it’s now law.
Now that you have your favorite liquid libation on hand, get the music going. Music is one of the greatest gifts humans produce for one another. I have playlists for everything, seriously my laundry playlist bangs. The key to moving your crowd at tailgating can be tricky but I have a method that will appeal to all ages. Start off easy, it’s early in the day and you don’t want to come out the gate swinging haymakers. Start off with some Marvin Gaye, Motown, Earl Melvin And The Blue notes, Bob Marley, not gonna lie, Easy by Lionel Ritchie finds its way onto my first hour. Second hour, turn it up a little, that’s when I start lobbing some Funkadelic, Parliament, Prince, Morris Day And The Time, to the group, let’s get a little funky with it. Hour three, this is where we start to turn up, as the kids say. Rage Against The Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pearl Jam, Metallica, Public Enemy, Run The Jewels, MOP, Scarface, Killer Mike, 2 Chainz, folks it’s time to get rowdy. Finally, the last couple songs I play are Never Scared, We Ready, Ante Up, and Raise Up, if you see a man with his hair on fire sprinting through the tunnel, that guy was partying with me or read this post and followed it accordingly.
So you’ve laid the foundation and the cranes are on site, don’t forget to continue eating. Listen, the only way you can tailgate all day without living better through chemistry is to eat. I’ve tried and failed many times; trust me I’ve got my parking lot stripes. Food is your friend, remember this and remind your friends. If you got the time hit me up and I will share my BBQ recipes and smoking techniques, I typically smoke ribs and wings while my buddy @Cliffysmalls knocks out the greatest brisket I’ve ever encountered and I’ve been paid to smoke meats. Some games there’s simply no time to smoke meats for six hours and that’s fine, nothing wrong with some brats, or thick cut pork chops on the grill. If you’re doing chops don’t be an amateur, also grill pineapple. @BiggestBiscuit showed me the way with chops and nothing will be the same again. Bless you, Biscuit.
Finally and most importantly, don’t be trash fans. Seriously, we aren’t playing Memphis St or Cincy anymore, ACC fans have jobs and don’t smell so be kind to our new neighbors, make them circle the UofL game every other season as “the must travel game”. I hear fans talking about wanting to be taken serious so the way I see it is if we can’t be in seats for warm-ups because were over indulging in a parking lot, show opposing fans what the city that raised Ali is all about. Now you can still do some trash talking, like Biscuit said “beers free, but the heat is too”, just make it fun and inviting. Clemson fans left The Ville and I lost track of all the complimentary posts, tweets, and comments. We did good, lets keep it up. I always offer opposing fans a beer outside one game against a team down the road, it’s a fun experience but I’m also tailgating with a team of goons if things ever went sideways so that’s your call.
So that’s all I got, I’ve been trying to knock out that last paragraph for half an hour while my phone blew up about the news of Teddy. Prayers for the cities favorite adopted son, Go Cards, Go Krogering, and tailgate like a pro. If you’re the type that seeks judgment or acceptance tweet me pics or video of your tailgates and I will judge them accordingly. Now I may Go Cry over the news.
That Boys Good
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