What’s good everyone? NOA hit Thursday and while I can’t say I’m happy receiving four Level One infractions, I can say I am ecstatic we didn’t get smacked with five. This is how you triage fandom during a scandal, you take what you can get. I think fans are taking some unfair criticism, nobody is excited about the penalties, but they are excited there weren’t more. For a year we’ve sat back awaiting the smoking gun and thank god there wasn’t one. We haven’t been able to mention our quarterback from another planet without reading “YEA BUT STRIPPERS” in our mentions. Yesterday was great because the NOA was uk’s bowl game, it was all they had to keep them distracted in the fall. Sorry boys, it’s still football season. Most importantly UofL didn’t commit these infractions, Andre Mcgee did, and do not let rivals down the road tell you otherwise. So the theme of this post will be “Shit I wish Andree McGee spent $5400 on”. Yes I know it was over a four year period, Jesus this is some broke balling, but play along here. The format will be something different as I will just be lobbing out suggestions, lets go.
You can currently book a flight from Senegal to Louisville for $1597, that means we could’ve flown Gorgui’s parents in for two more games. I hate you so much Andre. Gorgui’s parents are adorable. Katina and her posse look like they gather random cigarettes from parking lots and finish them. Dieng’s > Powell’s.
Since the city can’t get its act together and take that ridiculous statue honoring losers off campus I have an idea for how to make it more respectable. Hang a rim on it and build an additional statue, one of Dr. Dunkenstein, Darrell Griffith, dunking on the Confederacy. I would pose for many a picture under a statue of Griff giving the confederacy the good ol’ Crying MJ. Side note, the people who will be mad I’m joking on that statue for the second place team in a war also hate participation trophies, marinate on that one.
Do you all have any idea how much meat I could get with 5 grand? If you have never had the opportunity to try my BBQ blame that on Andre. He robbed you of your opportunity. Plus we would’ve had legitimate female guests not these broke Betty’s looking for a meal ticket.
We could’ve cut a check to The DePaul Basketball Disaster Relief Plan.
Andre could’ve purchased 230 bottles of Crown Royal for fans and had his buddy at the barber shop offer free line beard trims since that’s how they say we roll.
He could’ve bought Kevin and Chane a moderately priced used Camry, then they don’t have to borrow friend’s cars and catch speeding tickets. Nobody gets speeding tickets in Camry’s, use your brain Andre.
$5400 probably gets you a lot of shape ups at Big Russ’ barber shop, but New York is pricey, so that may only be like a dozen cuts.
We could’ve paid for Hendo’s education and freed up another scholarship, jeez Andre you’re a real Onion Head.
$5400 would get a local writer to make 270 radio appearances.
Do you realize how many bucket Hats LJ could amass with such a budget?
He could have flown 29 fans to Atlantis, I didn’t think I could hate this guy more but here I sit.
Rick’s signature all white suit from Armani retails at $1695 so he could’ve bought two suits for assistants and himself a jacket. Imagine our bench in all white, I would rather endure “Cocaine Coaching Staff” over stripper jokes, but alas.
With 5 grand the man could’ve bought 8 t shirts and 3 hoodies from the team store.
I feel like a strange Louisville version of Darren Rovell for writing this.
5,400 beers for fans at Patterson Stadium, self-serving schmuck.
He could have given me 5 grand in a Kroger bag and sent me to Party Mart to stock up. You remember that old show Supermarket Sweep or whatever it was called, but with me in Party Mart on Brownsboro? I CAME FOR ALL THE PAPPY, MR BLUE! At $250 a bottle that would net 20 bottles of Pappy 20 yr old, you’re really stupid with your monies, Andre. Think about the CrunchZone crew running up and down the aisles. I can picture it now, Mark and Mike picking up all the high end stuff and comparing bottles. Dave asking “is this stuff good”, Drew loading up on moderately priced bourbon and Diet Cherry Coke, while I use my arm to sweep 1.75’s of Ancient Age into a cart laughing like a Neanderthal. Seriously, if you have 5,400 dollars you want to set on fire, I can help you out, and UofL won’t get in any trouble. Your wife might leave you, but that’s the worst case. Also jail or death but hey, you won’t go to jail for strippers, that’s a TBG Guarantee.
So there it is a list of better ways we could have cheated with that money. Andre messed up bad and I have made some jokes, but a part of me feels sorry for him. We all make mistakes in life and all we can do is ask for forgiveness when we do. I know a lot of people wanted him to speak up and I think that’s a knee jerk reaction to wanting to know the truth ourselves, versus what is actually best for our school. Any attorney will tell you if you are pulled in for questioning by police you request an attorney and nothing else, innocence doesn’t matter. Shut up and lawyer up. Who knows what else comes out if he cooperates with the investigation, so I’ll give him credit for not hurting us in addition? From what I always heard from the time he played ball here Andre always tried to be someone he wasn’t and impress people he never should have been around. That’s an important lesson for everyone to realize, use this as a teaching moment if you have kids. We’ve all known the east end private school kids who want so desperately to be viewed as tough or street, and some of us have known some private school kids incarcerated or killed because of that desire. The other day I was telling a buddy we’re all nerds about something. I just happen to be a nerd about sports and music, which get a better rap than sci-fi and comics. Be who you are and be comfortable in your own skin. It’s hard to get there but when you arrive it’s freeing. I’m not telling you all to forgive Andre because it’s too soon, and some will never forgive, but remember we’ve all been idiots we just haven’t all been caught. Shout out to @Chad502’s son, I believe today marks 68 days sober. We’re really proud of your dedication and perseverance, we’re still cheering. Tomorrow will be 69 days, nice, have an extra Coke.
As always Go Cards, Go Krogering, and beat NC St.
That Boys Good
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