“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”

(organ plays wedding music)

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of  CardNation and in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this foot,…….of Louisville football and this ass,…..of UK Football…..in holy matrimony.  We gather here to witness this love and the vows they will make to each other on this, their Governor’s Cup day. We join in our support of them as they offer themselves to each other. We celebrate the joy of this beatdown, and the misery of UK fans and their expectations.

Disclaimer:  If you have come to the post expecting chill, you are in the wrong place. If you have come to this post expecting mercy, you have come to the wrong place.   If you have come to this post expecting sympathy, you have come to the wrong place.  If you have come to this place expecting leniency,  you my confused friend, have come to the wrong place.   Read at your own risk.

I will never get tired of beating UK.  I don’t care if it is in Uno or Connect Four.  It will never get old…..EVER.  I was going to go easy on them if we won, but then I remembered all the memes and disrespect shown to Lamar for the past year.   A fanbase that just refuses to know their role was humbled on Saturday (again) and now we start the process of preparing for them to go to the CFP playoffs in July.   Blame your fans for what you are about to read BBN,  also blame Jordan Jones who cannot stop getting personal fouls.

TO THE NOTES!!!


Any outbursts and you will be removed from the court by multiple bailiffs. My boy Dave, you know him as @BiggestBiscuit.  The cigar handling, meat smokin’,  hot taek throwing phenom from TCZ.   All he does is break down offensive line play and bear hugs your mom while giving your girl the eye……….HAMMAH!!!   The lovely Liz Crowe (@TheLizCrowe) who is an accomplished author but will never write anything good about Kentucky Football.  And Good Time Charlie (@GoodTymeCharles) who has picked better first downs out of his glorious beard than UK had in the game on Saturday.

  • Every year, that team down the road forgets they are at basketball school and every year come November we look forward to the excuses and whining that ensues.  I have never seen a fanbase lose so much yet beat their chest like they are a perennial powerhouse.  It never fails,  thanks again for the laughs this year BBN.   Not sure who is feeding you all this nonsense but please ask them to stop. Seems like the bigger the lie, the more they believe.

Probably not the best idea to piss this guy off, but they are BBN.   Congrats, you have the pleasure of seeing this pic of Lamar prancing through your defense .  Make sure the juice is worth the squeeze folks…..

Speaking of  G.O.A.T’s,  Lamar just being Lamar on Saturday.  Don’t worry, he does that to everybody.   Matter of fact there has not been one game where UK has been able to stop Lamar, even in last years win against UofL.  Let’s take a look shall we:

2015  8/21 passing for 130 yards and a TD.  17 rushes for 186 yards and 2 TD’s

2016 16/25 passing  for 281 yards and 2 TD’s.  25 rushes for 171 yards and 2 TD’s

2017  15 of 21 passing, for 216 yards and 2 scores.  156 yards rushing, and he was pulled early in the 4th quarter. 

In three games,  against the Cayuts Lamar has passed for 627 yards and rushed for 513 yards and scored 9 TD’s.  The results are in, he is your father UK.  And you know, it probably wouldn’t have been that bad had your moronic fanbase not trolled him for a year with that pic of him fumbling.  My advice to you going forward, if the man coming, make ready for the man.

  • Have you seen this man?  His name is Mason King, he is the punter for Louisville.  He was last seen in the Syracuse game.  He was not seen at all on Saturday.   Possible suspects are Louisville’s offense, the Cards didn’t come off the field without a score of some type on all but one of their possessions. The one being when the game ended with Louisville in the red zone (again)

If found please notify Mark Stoops……or don’t.  He knows exactly where his punter is.

  • I gave him hell all season, but Peter Sirmon’s defense really looked the part the last 3 games of the year.  Perhaps we can chalk it up to injuries to 3 key players on defense but he also dialed up major pressure against UK all day.  Stephen Johnson is probably going to be seeing Jonathan Greenard and Stacy Thomas in his sleep for the next few days.  I still want to see Sirmon coach this defense in the bowl game, but for now I think he has bought himself another year here which is something I never thought I would type after the Wake Forest debacle.
  • One day UK fans will realize just because they say something over and over doesn’t make it true.  Each year they say they sell out their stadium. Ummmmm, where??

I mean, you guys lie about things you have no business lying about.  Like we don’t have smart TV’s,  like they don’t make 4K quality televisions these days.   You decreased seating in your stadium and STILL can’t sell it out.  The game ain’t in you no more,……none of it.  You guys specialize in leaving seats open though:

  • Man,  I think we all have to stand and applaud the offensive line this year.   Lamar was not sacked at all on Saturday.   He had a pocket to sit in and when he was hurried it didn’t go well for the other guys.   Big shout out to Mike Summers, the O-line whisperer.  He gets the most out of his group, you can’t deny that.  Also, shout out to Cole Bentley who has played a hell of a game the past few weeks.   Barring any surprises, we get all those guys back next year.  Puma, Dae, and Colin Wilson have to be licking their chops about the possibilities.
  • Meanwhile,  UK’s defensive lineman is still looking for the ball:

That is what it looks like when your wireless controller dies during the game.   Dude was looking like me when I go to get the last donut at work and realize the box is empty.

  • Reggie “5-0-2” Bonnafon for Mayor.  Not only was I happy he got to go out as a winner on Senior day but I am ecstatic he is able to leave UofL with a winning record as well as part of the team that brought the Governor’s cup back.   Reggie’s first Governor’s cup ended in a injury (shout out to Kyle Bolin) and his last Governor’s Cup ends in him scoring twice and sh*t talking UK fans.   Gonna miss that guy……
  • So let me get this straight,  Aside from Stephen Johnson and Benny Snell the best athelete on offense for UK was Lynn Bowden.   Hmmm,  checking the stats and not seeing an impact anywhere.  He carried one time for 7 yards and caught no passes.   Garrett Johnson, the guy who scored 2 TD’s that broke the back of CardNation last year didn’t catch one pass in the game.   Tax Boys came to collect Saturday,  your rent was due.
  • Cards fans,  for future reference you cannot watch the Governor’s Cup on the SEC network and expect unbias announcing. It’s the SEC network, they tend to favor SEC teams.  Just saying.  Save yourself the trouble and listen to Paul Rogers.
  • Not sure who I feel more sorry for,  Darius West who tried to tackle Lamar and failed.  Or the shoe…………going with the shoe.

  • One could say UK’s band was trolling UofL with their halftime show but I would like to think they were telling Mitch Barnhart to spend the money and hire a coach that can actually improve the defense (but they did move the dollar sign into the shape of a basketball immediately after this picture).  Either way, your football team got embarrassed and you guys, like the miserable fanbase you are, switch to basketball.   Ya happy now?

  • This is your weekly reminder that Dae Williams tore his ACL in April.  Today he managed to run for 62 yards and a score. He may have had two scores but he is still not back at full speed.  But think about that, most guys tear and ACL and are out for a year or more.  Hell,  I threw my back out and was out of the gym for month.  I get winded getting up to grab the remote.  Imagine what he will do next year when he is healthy and behind that offensive line. He is going to be a monster.
  • Dez Fitzpatrick will now be referred to at Dez 6-Patrick,  this is not up for debate. Credit Alex Kupper and Paul Rogers for that cool nickname.  Dez was as advertised this season.  All he does is french kiss your wife, score a touchdown, then look at you while telling your wife to call him later.  He can toe tap in the endzone with the best of them.  Seems like every catch is NFL worthy.   Gonna be nice having that guy to throw to next season. Dilly Dilly!!!
  • Let’s not act like Lamar didn’t throw a football through a UK defender to complete a TD pass to Jaylen Smith. He did it, we saw it.  I don’t need to include a graphic below, google it you lazy bastard.  It happened. Oh alright, but just because you said please…..

  • Stephen Johnson is a good guy.  Dude has this calm demeanor and always seems to be zoned in. That is why it was hard to see him get pummeled Saturday for 60 minutes.   Dude has a ton of heart and we know he can take a punch…….unlike Drew Barker who was able to finally regain consciousness at EKU and make it to the game. I know some people are going to say Barker didn’t deserve that shot,  well deserve has nothing to do with it.
  • Shout out to my boy Gary  (@the_redbird7) who welcomed his first child a few days ago.  Gary paints up EVERY game and is a joy to have in your section at football games.  We miss having him in our section but he has moved on to closer seats lol.  Anyways, we all know Gary is a mega fan but apparently being a fan of your school is frowned upon by BBN.  Shout out to the guy who decided to call out Gary for his fandom but overlook the fact that his fanbase does the same every year.  See below:

Since that guy apparently has never seen a grown man paint up for a game, lets take a look at some other things he has never seen:

  • Puberty
  • A woman willing to go out with him without a gun being placed to her head
  • A woman in his room
  • A woman in his bed
  • An woman having an orgasm excluding the ones he sees on PornHub or Brazzers
  • His balls, which have been missing since birth
  • Winning SEC football in Lexington
  • An 8 win regular season

I can go on and on.  Here at Louisville we are qualified to talk about football,  you and the rest of BBN are only qualified to tell us how our asses taste.

  • The last time I saw Craig Yeast, he was doing his part to spoil the opening of Papa John’s Cardinal Stadium back in 1998.  So seeing him decked out in Cardinal red on Saturday makes me feel a lot better.  Shout out to Russ Yeast who is gonna be counted on big time next year. Shout out to Papa Yeast for that sweet hat:

  • Benny Snell is a beast, there is no way around it.   The Wildcat formation is so predictable but so frustrating because you still cannot stop it even though you know what is coming.  I had no issue with Snell, Louisville fans knew he was going to get his regardless of what defense we threw at him (still would have loved to see us stack the box more).  But Benny, if you thought this was gonna fly:

“Ok, my team is down by 27 and I just scored a garbage touchdown.   I can’t really trash talk, that would be pointless, I mean look at the scoreboard.  Oh man, the camera is on me right now,  I gotta do something to please the fans. Think Benny, think…….dammit, this horse tranquilizer is wearing off………….ah hell, just throw the L’s down.  Yahtzee!!!  That will show them”

And now what you really came here for.  There are certain players that will forever draw the ire of Louisville fans no matter the sport. I can mention DeMarcus Cousins and raise the blood pressure of CardNation.   I can mention Patrick Sparks and someone in the back of the room will scream “HE WALKED” (which he did…twice).  I can mention Jared Lorenzen and you can insert any weight joke of your choosing.  I can mention Eric Bledsoe and you can hear the Algebra 2 jokes from Knoxville.   I can mention Makayla Epps and women’s b-ball fans will just shake their heads.

But I am still not sure what in the Kroger Field hell was up with Jordan Jones on Saturday.   One thing I will say is that he was consistent. He started the season by hocking a loogie and spitting it into the stands at Southern Miss.  He ends the year by picking a fight with everyone in Fayette County and single handily being responsible for 30 yards and 3 points for Louisville.

We watch a lot of CNN in the BHK household so trust me, I am used to seeing a grown man throw a hissy fit and pick fights when he doesn’t get his way.  But Jones went full on 5 year old on Saturday.  Let’s go to the film shall we???

Exhibit A:  Jones tries to trash talk Lamar and realizes he is not human

Exhibit B:  Jones realizes he was never hugged as a child so gets mad at Lamar Thomas who is a former Louisville coach and was the primary recruiter of reigning Heisman Lamar Jackson.  Jones takes offense and places hands on Thomas.  Jones also realizes he looks like a generic Andre Woodson which didn’t help matters:

Exhibit C: Denzil Ware tries to re-enact a scene from Spike Lee’s “Do the Right Thing” but in typical UK defense fashion…….he fails.  Advantage trash can

Exhibit D:  Jordan Jones and Denzil Ware acting like a children forced UK athletics to remove this sign in their lobby at halftime:

Exhibit E: Lamar embarrasses the rest of UK’s defense just because….

Exhibit F:  Lamar gets another bat.  Jones gets a rock

Exhibit G:  Stoops realizes his senseless non-football tactics of trying to start sh*t in the Governor’s Cup always ends in a loss.

Jordan Jones may be a competitor and a great football player but if I am Stoops you have to sit him for the bowl game after that tirade. He had two late hits, got into a scuffle, pushed a UK coach, and walked out of a team huddle.  Someone needs to change his filled diaper and give him his sippy cup. Dude needs a nap.   This is the Governor’s Cup gentleman, the Gods will not save you.

And it typical fashion, BBN tried to flex their muscles in the only bowl they know best,……….the toilet bowl:

Shout out to Jordan Haynes. He was trying to get a CARDS chant going and Jim Bob here wanted no parts. He yelled “NOBODY WANTS TO BE FROM YOU” which ironically is the exact same thing  I yell when I meet people from Lexington.

  • Your reminder that Mason King was never used this game

**FREEZE FRAME**  “That’s me in the blue jacket, I bet you’re wondering how I got in this situation. Well it started after the first contract extension and”…..

  • Jaylen Smith leaving opposing fans with their mouths open for the 3rd week in a row:

  • Thus ends the Governor’s cup career of Matt Elam.  I will never forget UK calling a timeout in 2015 to get him off the field because he was so winded.  He chose UK over Bama, just want to add that in there.

 

  • Blame BBN for this ass-whipping.  For a year you guys mocked, and harassed Lamar on social media so this blood is your hands.  Also blame Jordan Jones for this, he went rogue early and his defense paid for it.  But most of all, blame Mark Poops himself  for today.  He started this bullsh*t in 2014 when instructing his then redshirt freshman to go out there and start fights in the pregame.  I feel no sympathy for him at all after they lose.  I mean, I feel bad his hairline left him years ago and he is the lesser of the Stoop family but when you preach bush league tactics you are subject to ridicule.   Lesson here Mark, you come at the king, you best not miss….

 

  • I may not like seeing Lamar Thomas on the other sideline but without him we would not have #8 on our sideline.  Regardless of the rivalry and all the BS that happened with Jones, this was pretty cool to see:

  • Shout out to Blanton Creque who tossed in 3 field goals today with ease.  I will always be an Art Carmody fan but you are working your way up the list of my favorite kickers buddy. Good work

 

  • My only issue with team today is that they didn’t “mistakenly” tackle Matt Bevin during the trophy presentation.   His chin confuses me……..

 

And in closing I want to thank every single member of CardNation for reading this every week.   Thanks for the retweets, the shares, the likes, the quotes. Thanks for letting me be me week in and week out.  Thanks to Mark Blankenbaker for letting me use the site he and Mike Lindsey worked so hard to build as my own personal therapy for the past 3 months.

I want to thank all the readers for sticking with me even when I went on a profanity laced tirade following two games this year.   Thanks to J’Aunna (@J_TrueBeauty) for letting me know when I have a typo or used the wrong name in my post.  Thanks to my agent, @Tammaland for handling my personal affairs.  Thanks to TBG for the advice he gave me a year ago.  Sorry for offending anyone with my language,  I may be a lot of things but fake is not one of them.  From the womb to the tomb, this is me.

Also, for your reading enjoyment,  I included some quotes from The Wire throughout this post. See if you can spot them all.  Season 2 of BucketHatism was fun, lets hope Season 3 of BucketHatism in 2018 is better.

Now BBN,  it was so hard for me to sit back and see your fans talking sh*t about our university when last year I spent more money on uneaten  brisket in smokehouses from one side of the Midwest to the other, than you made.

You talking to the Bucket Hat wearing……..Louisville hoody wearing……..kiss stealing, woo, wheelin’ dealin’ , Lyft ridin,  Honda drivin’, son of a gun…… and I’m having a hard time, holding these Nike Air Max’s down.  There’s only one BHK!!

 

Be cool in this hot city

 

Court adjourned (bangs gavel)

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