**Due to the pandemic, I am coming to you remote and in the confines of Casa De Fiasco**

I wasn’t gonna write this, and I am still debating whether or not I should even post this. There is no amount of wording that I can use to even describe what we all are going through.

On March 11th, sports was officially placed on a vent. The next day a priest was called in, and then a few hours later, the decision was made to pull the plug on everything except drive-thrus.

Doesn’t matter if you are a Card fan or not. Doesn’t matter if you are 80 miles down the road in that one town trying to DM a recruit to see if he is feeling sick. Doesn’t matter if you are on Tobacco Road. You are looking for toilet paper like the rest of us. Doesn’t matter if you are UVA. You are not smart enough to be immune. We all agree… this sucks so bad.

Last Thursday, I should have been nervous with anxiety about Louisville. Would they be home for the season? Would they be playing on Saturday?? Would Malik Williams be healthy?? Will David Johnson make a huge splash in his tourney debut?? How many panties will be on the floor after Ryan’s first three??

Was Dayton legit? Was this the year Kansas finally lived up to the hype?? We have so many questions that will never be answered.

And not just the basketball side. Was this the season that Louisville Baseball reaches the final round in Omaha? Was this the year that I finally stop bashing that horrible sport (no, it wasn’t).

The football team was in the middle of spring training… what now? What happens in the next 5-6 months? It is a gut punch, but honestly this IS a matter of life and death. As much as I hate being forced into a dead season 4 months ahead of time, I understand. And the majority of you understand, as well.

We have replaced cheering for Chris Mack with cheering for Andy Beshear. Jeff Walz admiration has been replaced with everyone swooning over Kenneth at 5pm every day, although we have never seen him. I feel like I have spent more time with Virginia, who does the sign language for Beshear, than with my own wife.

You always hear about sports taking a back seat to bigger issues, but I never thought we all would be living it at the same time. Sports unites us all, and if you didn’t know that then, you definitely know it now.

I pray to God that we all remain safe, and if you are affected I pray you recover. My condolences to everyone out there who has lost someone to this trash virus.

Be “SAFE” in this hot city

Stay at home.

Wash your damn hands.

Cough and sneeze into the crook of you elbow.

Wash your damn hands.

Stay at home.

You are a grown adult, I shouldn’t have to even tell you this but here we are.

To the notes….

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  • I was able to work from home before, but I only used it on my assigned day or when absolutely necessary. I get more done at the office than when I am home. My dog hates me now – he is used to having 7-8 hours to do whatever the hell it is he does when I am gone. I don’t miss morning traffic or having to talk to people as soon as I get in, but I miss the water cooler talks.
  • My daily routine: Get up, hit the bathroom, put on whatever seems appealing, and then fight no traffic to walk downstairs and turn on my laptop. In between bathroom breaks and letting the dog in and out, things are relatively quiet until 2:30 pm, and that is when I normally start losing my shit.
  • I am still not understanding the toilet paper craze, and the only explanation I can think of is the shit hit the fan. I know it’s a lame joke but I am craving sports, so you can go to hell.
  • Rand Paul deserved every bit of that punch he received from his neighbor.
  • At any given time, I think Dr. Fauci is just gonna yell, “FOR F*CK SAKE DONNIE!” in one of these task force briefings. I respect you doc; it’s really difficult delivering expertise and then having it undone because a guy is more worried about lining his pockets.
  • Congrats to Rick Pitino. I have no issue with him getting a new job, and I am sure we will have plenty of time to discuss him when Louisville meets Iona in a few years in the first round.
  • I have a glimmer of hope Jordan Nwora will return for his senior season. He has yet to sign with an agent… and until he does…….

I am sure we all have routines that we were starting to really find our groove in. The BHK enjoyed way too many tailgates in the fall and then began stress eating during Louisville’s last seven games. I say that to say my fat ass was down in the weight department before the world crapped itself. So now I have a routine of jumping on our elliptical at home that I normally ignore and then walking my dog.

The highlight of my sportless day, though, is walking my dog. You want to know why? My dog has a lot of beef around the neighborhood. And by beef I mean he gets barked at by other dogs aggressively. While this is totally normal (we have no sports dude, I am getting to the point), I have found joy in making up scenarios as to why the dogs are barking.

For instance, there was a small poodle in my driveway late last Wednesday. No leash, no owner in site. She sure as hell wasn’t there for me or my wife, so that could only mean one thing. My dog actually went and sat by the door. What in the hell is going on when we are not there? How can he open the door with that gnarled thumb?? I am losing my shit. No sports.

Anyway, so now the other dogs are upset because my dog supposedly broke dog code by inviting the poodle over. I may or may not have video documentation of each of our daily walks. If we are in July without sports, I am dropping ’em.

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You hate this as much as I do. Our everyday life is interrupted, and for many of us, it has been so hard to adjust each day with all the closings. I am not a doctor or an expert, and I wish I knew how long this ordeal will last, but please, follow the guidelines and stop being selfish. If you need to go run errands, please be safe and be mindful of everyone around you.

Wash your f*cking hands, cough or sneeze into the crook of your elbow, and disinfect everything. Everything.

We all miss our family and friends. We all miss our favorite bar, shopping, traveling, and cheering for our team. But if missing out on that saves millions of people, then I am all for it.

I have said it, and will continue to say it: I would rather be inconvenienced for a month or so than still be in this mess next year.

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Person(s) or things that earned a extra hour of playtime outside:

  • Louisville Men’s and Women’s basketball team. I’m sorry.
  • Louisville Baseball. We will never know how good you would have been.
  • Gov. Andy Beshear
  • Virginia the Signer
  • Kenneth the slide guy
  • The St. Louis vs Philadelphia slide
  • 5pm with Andy.
  • Fresh air
  • Wi-Fi
  • Dr. Fauci
  • Ozark’s new season (Editor’s Note: Ozark is The Wire for people who like The Big Bang Theory)
  • Bartenders, servers, DJ’s, barbers, beauticians, small business owners, Ford employees, etc.

Person(s) or things that must self quarantine for 72 hours with Avatar playing on a loop………in Spanish:

  • The Rona
  • Florida
  • Spring Breaker’s in Florida
  • Floridians
  • Beaches in Florida
  • Florida Gators & Florida State
  • South Florida, Central Florida, Florida International, and Florida Atlantic. Also Florida A&M and Florida Gulf Coast.
  • Non-hand washers
  • Panic buying
  • Your President and his buffoons.
  • Rand Paul
  • Cocaine Mitch
  • Matt McGavic. Ever since he came back home shit has went downhill.

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And in closing:

  • Wash your hands, cough and sneeze into the crook of your elbow, stay inside. You are a grown-ass adult. I really find it strange people have to be told this…

**Disclaimer** This may very well be the last BucketHatism for a while. I hope and pray we are all past this by the time September rolls around. And I really hope that millions don’t perish because of this horrible virus. 

I know it sounds corny, but please do your part and take this shit  seriously.

Also, find some time to disconnect from the news. I had an anxiety attack last week after spending all day reading every coronavirus headline and story. There are a lot of poor sources of information out there speaking with loud voices. We don’t know how this will play out. A lot of this is out of our hands, so control what you can is what I say.

Thanks, CardNation, for yet another year of great memories and frustrating losses. Lets all get through this and have a major celebration on September 3rd!

Be SAFE AND WELL in this hot city.

Season adjourned (bangs gavel)

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LJ Nesbitt

The BHK. Writer for thecrunchzone.com , 1/2 of the TCZ Podcast. Surviving in the great city of Louisville, in the not so great state of KY. Loui$ville KY thecrunchzone.com

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